


Towards The Morning Sun

by mustbet0night



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Depression, M/M, Sad Tyler, Underage Drinking, cute josh is cute, gay its all very gay, josh just wants to help tyler, michael looks like he would kill a man for a fucking peanut but is actually soft as hell, minor character death pre-story, this is more fun than these tags make it sound honest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-06-07 06:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6791161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mustbet0night/pseuds/mustbet0night
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler smiled.</p><p>It was then that Josh noticed two distinct things:</p><p>1. Tyler Joseph was the most beautiful boy he had ever had the fortunate ability to share a toilet cubicle with and</p><p>2. Tyler had a split lip, bruised cheek and generally looked like he’d been in a fight. Something Josh found far hotter than he felt he probably should have</p><p>~In which Josh wants to help Tyler and Tyler doesn't know how to let him~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tyler backed up against the wall and sank to the floor. Knees drawn in to his chest, he shrank into himself. He wanted to keep on shrinking. Shrink and shrink until there was nothing of him left.  


His head hurt. His arm hurt. God, everything hurt.  


He wrapped his arms around his knees and pulled them into him tighter. He wondered how long he could hold himself together like this before he couldn’t keep a grip any longer and he’d just crumble. He often felt like that at times like this. Like his body had given in. Like he could almost feel his skin and his bones breaking up, like the minute he let go he would just completely fall to pieces.  


If only it were that simple. If only all he had to do was let go.  


He could hear his dad and his brother arguing downstairs. Probably about him again. A tear escaped his eye and before he could sniff them all back, tears were rolling down his cheeks.  


This was all his fault. He’d ruined everything. He’d destroyed everything.  


His father’s voice rose to a growl before a crash and the sound of the front door slamming.  


A sob escaped Tyler’s chest as he rested his forehead on his knees. This was all is fault.

***

Josh backed up against the wall and sank to the floor. He looked to the toilet basin next to him and giggled to himself. God, he was drunk.  


The bathroom around him swayed, but not in an unpleasant way. He found that if he shook his head and then closed his eyes his head span so fast it was like he was on a rollercoaster. He was actually quite enjoying the sensation, when he was interrupted by a banging on the bathroom door and a familiar voice.  


“Oi. Josh. Open this fucking door or I swear to God I’m going to piss all over your parents fucking bed.”  


It was Pete.  


Josh scrambled to his feet, almost falling ass-first into the shower and flung himself at the door. Knowing Pete, he would have had absolutely no reservations about following through with his threat. And when Josh’s parents had agreed to a ‘pizza and gaming night with a few friends’ while they were away he was pretty certain that didn’t include Pete getting any of his bodily fluids anywhere near their bedroom.  


Josh pulled the door open and Pete, who had been leaning on the door frame desperately clutching his legs crossed, almost fell on him.  


“Thanks, dude.” Pete grinned sloppily at him before pushing past Josh and tearing his pants down. A gasp of relief escaped him as Josh heard the gush of urine hit the toilet water. “What were you doing in here by yourself anyway, man?” Pete asked. “I thought you’d dragged that cute guy you were talking to in here, whats- whassis name? Y’know –“ Pete gestured vaguely, still peeing. It seemed to be requiring a lot of concentration.  


“Huh? Oh, Nick…” Josh bit his nails and tried to sound nonchalant. “Yeah, no, I don’t think he’s interested…”  


“What?” Pete turned around to face him, pee finished but his boxers were still down. “Why wouldn’t he be interested you’re a fucking hot piece of ass Joshua Dun, look at you.”  


Josh laughed. “I think the problem is more that he’s y’know… Not Gay.”  


Pete’s face fell. “Are you fucking kidding me? He’s not? Goddamn it that means I owe Andy twenty bucks.”  


Josh shrugged. “Not according to his long-time girlfriend that lives in the next town over he’s not.”  


Pete sighed. “Well my friend, there is only one thing for this; Tequila. We need more tequila.”  


“No, God no.” Josh tried to protest but Pete was pushing him backwards out of the bathroom door and chanting “TE-QUI-LA! TE-QUI-LA!”  


“Uhh Pete… You need to pull up your pants.” Josh pointed out and sent a pointed glance downwards.  


Unfazed, Pete roughly his clothes back up to cover himself and continued yelling his “TE-QUI-LA” chant as he marched Josh out of the bathroom and back downstairs.

The majority of the party were gathered in Josh’s kitchen, where a very drunk rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody was being passionately performed by Brendon and several others.  


It wasn’t a large party, just Josh’s closest friends from school. A year ago, Josh would never have even been invited to a party, let alone had enough friends to throw his own. He did have friends at his old school, but only two and they, like Josh, never really enjoyed any kind of social contact that wasn’t via x Box Live. Large crowds made Josh anxious, anyway, and drinking had never been his thing… Until of course, he changed schools and was adopted by Pete and his entourage. After that, he discovered that actually, drinking was definitely his thing.  


Pete and Josh headed through the small crowd to the corner, where Patrick and Joe appeared to be drowning their sorrows.  


“Will somebody, please, take the aux cord off of him.” Patrick, who was wearing a My Little Pony blanket as a cape and drinking a strange looking concoction from a pitcher jug, cried. They all turned around to look at Brendon, who had thrown out his arms, belting along to the music. “Make him stop lest the memory of Freddie Mercury be ruined forever.”  


Pete laughed, but leaned over to the speaker on the kitchen table and hit skip. “Come on now Urie, the time for resurrecting Queen is over and the time for shots has begun!”  


Brendon protested at the audacity of ending Queen mid-song, but nevertheless skipped over and joined the others.  
Josh grabbed some vaguely-untouched looking shot glasses from the counter and brought them over to the kitchen table, where Pete had already gathered the salt and limes from earlier.  


Once each of them had equipped themselves accordingly, tequila in hand, Brendon asked “What are we drinking to?”  
“We,” Pete declared, “Brendon, are gathered here today to drink to… to God, who-“  


Joe snorted. “What? Pete are you even religious?”  


Pete side-eyed him, but otherwise ignored the interruption and continued, “God, who has brought all of our gay asses together to form this, this… WONDERMENT of a friendship. Who blessed us with Josh, a fine addition, just six months ago. And who we are now here today to ask; please. Please. For the love of us all. Bring Josh a nice, hot piece of ass so that he may finally get laid and stop moping around like a lost and sexually frustrated puppy.”  


Josh was certain his cheeks had flushed a pink brighter than the blanket-cape Patrick was adorning, but he laughed and cheered along with the others before licking the salt off his hand and throwing the fiery drink down his throat.  


***  


“… And then, Pete slid down the stairs, on his ass, totally fucking naked except for Josh’s mom’s bra and crashed straight into me.” Hayley, a small, excitable girl with sunshine orange hair, had the entire lunch table in fits of laughter as she recounted one of the many hilarious stories from the party that weekend.  


“Yeah, and my bannister has the damage to prove it!” Josh glared at Pete next to him, though he was still grinning at the memory. Explaining why his stair case was broken to his parents the next day, however, was not such a funny story.  


“Dude, my soul has the damage to prove it.” Hayley insisted, “Pete flew right into me! Naked!”  


“Come on now baby, you know you fucking loved it really.” Pete teased her, winking. She threw her half-eaten apple across the table at him, laughing.  


Josh had just taken a bite from his sandwich when Brendon asked, “Hey Josh did you hook up with that guy in the end? Y’know, the drama kid?”  


All eyes were on Josh, which would have made him nervous anyway, but was intensified by the fact that he was both caught eating and asked about his sex life; two things that always happened far more than Josh would have liked. He quickly chewed and swallowed his mouthful, holding his hand over his mouth apologetically and trying not to blush too hard. He quickly checked there was nothing in his teeth before giving the table the same explanation he had given Pete in the bathroom Saturday night.  


“Oh, and where is my twenty bucks?” Andy asked Pete, smirking. Pete groaned and begrudgingly delved into his pocket.  


Brendon looked more disappointed than Pete did. And both of them looked far more disappointed than Josh had ever been. Josh’s sex life had become the number one topic of discussion within his friendship group ever since he’d come out to them. And Get Josh A Boyfriend had become Pete and Brendon’s number one mission.  


“Guy’s honestly, I’m not… I’m not looking for a boyfriend. It’s senior year and I need to focus on exams and stuff…”  


“Josh, when was the last time you got laid? Like, really?”  


“I, uhh…” Okay so it had been a long time. Like, a really long time. Pre-exiting the closet, still with his girlfriend, still pretending to be straight kind of a long time.  


“Have you even actually fucked a guy before?” Pete quizzed, appearing to be having way more fun than Josh was during this discussion.  


Josh scratched his head and looked from Pete to Brendon sheepishly. “Uhh… no. I had sex with my girlfriend, Debby a couple of times but,”  


“Oh my God you poor soul!” Brendon exclaimed, clutching his heart. “This is worse than I feared. We must change this immediately.”  


“Honestly guys it’s…” But Brendon and Pete were already listing off the number of guys they knew that could be suitable for ‘taking his ass virginity’ as Pete so elegantly put it.  


“Ignore them,” Hayley grinned at Josh, walking over and placing herself next to him. “You know what Pete and Brendon are like when they get a new project.”  


“Hah, yeah.” Josh nodded, “I’ve just been the ‘new project’ for a while now…”  


“Hmm… yeah, maybe we should find them something else to focus on. Like knitting or hard drugs or something.”  


Josh laughed. He liked Hayley. He liked all of his new friends, even if they did come up with ridiculous schemes to get him laid all the time. Besides, though he’d never give Pete or Brendon the satisfaction of admitting it, he really did need to get laid soon. Even jerking off to Brandon Flowers wasn’t that satisfying anymore, and Josh fucking adored Brandon Flowers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for this chapter... it's pretty dark, but I hope you like it!  
> This chapter is big for trigger warning - mostly just child abuse/physical violence as well as mentions of death and depression
> 
> thank you for such a wonderful response to the first chapter though! hope you like the next ones just as much

“Josh! Josh, wait up!”  


Josh whipped around to glance down the corridor behind him. A bright flurry of electric blue hair swept through the sea of people heading to their classes and before he knew it Ashely had her arm linked in his and was beaming.  


“Oh no, what is that smile about?” He recognised that look on her face immediately. “Please tell me Pete hasn’t roped you into another scheme in which he tries to set me up with a weird snail-collecting enthusiast again.”  


“No!” She laughed and Josh relaxed with relief. “No, this isn’t about your love life this time, this is about your uncle!”  


“My… My Uncle? Oh! You mean Micha- Mr. Gibson?” Josh’s Uncle had just started working at the school as an English teacher – Josh’s English teacher, coincidentally. He was still getting used to having to call Michael ‘Mr Gibson’ in school; adjusting to that level of formality with someone isn’t easy when you’ve seen them drunk at a family Christmas dressed up as an elf.  


“Yes. Mr.Gibson.” She smiled slyly, “I was just wondering how old he was.”  


“He’s twenty-four why do- Ashley!” He scolded as he saw her calculating their age difference in her head, her smirk growing wider. “He’s your English teacher! And my uncle!”  


“I know, but he’s so hot. Like really hot. And there’s nothing wrong with a girl fantasising if there’s only eight years difference, right?”  


He shook his head in despair, but he was still smiling. Pete had asked him the same thing when he’d first seen Mr Gibson too.  


“Come on you,” He tugged on their entwined arms, “don’t want to be late for Mr Gibson now do we? If we get there early enough you might even get to sit right at the front.”  


Ashley hit him playfully, “Fuck off.”  


***  


Tyler slipped into the English classroom just as the previous class was filing out. He liked to get to class early so he could take his usual seat at the back of the room and then he could make it through the lesson virtually unnoticed.  


He was the only person in the room apart from the teacher, a new guy; Mr Gibley or something. He’d only worked at their school for a couple of weeks and he had the kind of enthusiasm for teaching that only someone very new at teaching could have. He lacked the bitterness and general contempt for life that an experienced teacher had. He also hadn’t got the memo that Nobody Talked To Tyler Joseph Anymore because he greeted Tyler with a grin and an overly cheerful “Hello!”  


“Hello, sir.” Tyler responded politely as he sat himself down and took out his books.  


“It’s Tyler, right?” Mr Gibley… or wait, it was Gibson, Mr Gibson, Tyler read on the plaque on the teachers desk. “Sorry, I’m still getting used to names here.” Mr Gibson confessed with a smile so genuine Tyler couldn’t even be annoyed about having to interact with him.  


He nodded. “Yeah, uh, yeah… it’s Tyler.”  


The rest of the class had begun entering the room and taking their seats. Drew and a couple of other guys Tyler used to hang out with gave him a friendly nod in recognition. He returned the gesture with a small smile, and then they made their way to their own seats and that was it. That was the sum total of their friendship now. A nod, a smile, and then moving on. Tyler missed them, he really did. But he couldn’t blame them for not wanting to hang out with him. He hadn’t exactly been forthcoming ever since… Well, anyway, it didn’t matter now. Tyler didn’t have friends and that was okay because Tyler had other things to focus on. Like basketball. And Shakespeare.  


“Alright guys, settle down now.” Mr Gibson commanded, and Tyler had to hand it to him, for a newbie he had an incredible talent for silencing a classroom. Tyler also figured it had something to do with the fact that Mr Gibson looked like he could kill a man with his left bicep.  


“Now I’m sure you’ll all be pleased to know that today is our last lesson on Hamlet, before we move on from British Literature.”  


Muffled cheers of relief echoed around the classroom.  


“Yeah, alright guys, I know Shakespeare isn’t your favourite. But let’s just get through this last lesson, and then I want you all ready for us to start on the Arthur Miller play on Thursday okay?”  


Tyler had actually really enjoyed Hamlet, but he loved the Arthur Miller play they’d been assigned for next week even more. As soon as they’d been given their reading lists for the semester, Tyler had headed straight to the library to try and pick up copies of everything to avoid needing to buy them. He’d been bored one day when he decided to open up his tatty copy of All My Sons. He wasn’t entirely sure what it was about the play that had spoken to him so much, but he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since.

The class went on relatively uneventfully, as did the rest of Tyler’s day. School wasn’t a problem for Tyler. He lacked any kind of motivation for it and he couldn’t say he exactly enjoyed it, but school was safe, at least. It was better now that the pitying glances and hushed voices of the corridors as he walked by had stopped. Tyler wasn’t that once-popular kid that something tragic happened to anymore. Tyler wasn’t anyone. And he liked it better that way.  


School was safe. But home was not. And as the bell signalled the end of his last lesson of the day, Tyler felt a drop in his stomach and a dryness in his mouth so familiar to him the fear had almost become comforting. Almost.  


Most days he would stay after school and practice basketball, sometimes with the rest of his team, sometimes by himself. He’d shoot hoops relentlessly until his muscles begged him to stop and he knew it was time to leave. Usually that left him enough time. Usually that meant his father would be too lost in a drunken stupor on the couch to notice Tyler sneak back into the house.  


Unfortunately, thanks to the injury from the weekend, basketball wasn’t an option that night. He was certain his wrist was only sprained, but it still wasn’t worth the risk of causing further damage and increasing the problem.  


So instead, he made his way out of the building, past the kids in the courtyard, to his bus.  


He just needed to get through the rest of this year, he told himself once he was sat down in his usual seat near the back. Just finish the year and get that basketball scholarship and then he could get away and go to college and be free. He needed that scholarship. It was his freedom. It was his redemption. And his entire life was riding on it.  


Headphones in to drown out the sound of the unnecessarily loud kids with wildly coloured hair that always sat at the front of the bus, Tyler sat back and let himself sink into the song.  


Or at least, he would have, if it wasn’t for the small, mousey-haired boy that stuffed himself and his enormous backpack into the seat next to Tyler.  


“Hi, Mark.” Tyler nodded, not even bothering to pull his headphones out.  


So, maybe Tyler had been exaggerating when he said he had no friends. He had Mark. Mark was the kind of guy that was never seen without his camera and would have been considered a total nerd were it not for the fact that, with the surge in popularity of Vine and video editing, nerd was the new cool. Especially now everyone and their grandmother was embarking on a journey to become the next reality YouTube star.  


Mark nodded back and then spent the rest of the journey immersed in his phone.  


This was why Mark was Tyler’s friend. Mark didn’t feel the need to talk for the sake of talking. Mark understood the need for silence. And Mark just happened to live two doors down from Tyler.  


***  


The stench of beer was prominent the minute Tyler opened his front door. The jovial sounds of the television floated through from the living room and he assumed that was where his dad was. Tyler wondered how long he’d been drinking and whether he’d even still be conscious.  


He’d managed to get to the foot of the stairs, when a large figure staggered out of the kitchen. Before he’d even heard his father’s voice, any hope Tyler had had of making it to his room and through the evening unnoticed dissolved until there was nothing but fear rippling in his stomach.  


“There you are.”  


Tyler didn’t look at the man standing just a few feet before him. He didn’t need to look at him to see the anger in his watery eyes, the malice etched into the lines on his too-quickly aged face, the hatred clenched in his fists. Tyler knew that voice and he knew what it meant.  


“D’you think I wouldn’t notice?” The voice slurred, stepping closer. “Huh?”  


Ignoring the flurrying beating of his heart, Tyler finally looked up into the face of his father and gave him the answer he knew he wanted. “Notice what?”  


“Don’t pull that shit with me.” He growled, edging closer. Tyler stepped instinctively backwards and felt the hallway wall behind him.  


The truth was that Tyler genuinely had no idea what it was he’d done wrong this time, which was making him more nervous than usual. He decided it was best to remain silent and let his dad play out his part.  


“You think I wouldn’t notice an entire bottle gone? You think I’m stupid? I thought you’d learned your lesson not to throw my drink out from last time, but obviously not.”  


But… Tyler hadn’t thrown anything out? He had learned that lesson. Had his dad misplaced it? Or drank it and forgotten? Or maybe Zack had…  


“Not got anything to say, huh?”  


With a swift slap his open palm collided with Tyler’s cheek, whipping his head to the side.  


First, Tyler just felt shock. Then came the pain, and it stung like a bitch.  


“Look at me!”  


Slowly, Tyler turned his head back to face his dad. Another slap, harder this time.  


“Fucking pathetic. Look at me.” He spat, eyes cold, mouth wet with venom.  


Tyler was tired. He didn’t want to play this game. He didn’t want to stand there and take whatever his father decided to throw at him. He wanted it to stop.  


It was cowardly. And pathetic. He knew he had to take this. It was just so exhausting waking every day to play a game that he wasn’t allowed to even try to win.  


Tyler inhaled deeply and once again looked to the man standing before him.  


“Haven’t got Zack to protect you tonight.”  


Tyler wasn’t sure if it was the truth of what his dad had said or the grin with which he’d said it that made his stomach drop. Having Zack home from college, even just for a few days, had given Tyler a kind of protection. He wasn’t sure where his brother was now, but his dad never seemed to feel like he could get away with his usual tormenting when Zack was around.  


“You turned him against me. You made him think I’m some kind of… of monster.”  


Tyler was stunned at the hollowness of his father’s voice. Anger dropped for something far, far sadder.  


“He thinks I’m treating you badly… like you’re somehow fucking innocent in all of this.” For a moment, he shrank. He had become smaller, more sentient, tangible, real. Something more of the man he had once been. But rage soon returned to fill whatever holes had torn that man apart.  


“You did this to me. You did this, you deserve this.” He was yelling now and Tyler tried his best to ready himself for the blow up. That was what always happened; he toyed with Tyler until he had dragged out every drop of fear and then the anger took over. “But you just can’t help turning everyone against me. God, haven’t you taken enough from me? You take my wife and now you want to take my son from me?!”  


“I’m your son too.” The words escaped him, almost desperately. And then, because he knew it was what his father was waiting for, what those clenched fists were begging him for, he added “Or have you forgotten that?”  


And then it came.  


Fist collided with cheek and face collided with floor. The taste of blood filled Tyler’s mouth and he opened his eyes just to watch as his father’s shoe plummeted straight into his stomach. The impact left him breathless, but not as breathless as the second and third kicks did. Tyler just kept his eyes clenched shut and focused on the pain, letting it fill him up, making sure to feel it in every part of his body.  


He was surprised how quickly it was over this time. He heard a growl of frustration before the shuffle of drunken footsteps and the slamming of the kitchen door and Tyler knew that his father had run out of momentum for torturing him any further. Or maybe he simply didn’t think Tyler was worth the energy anymore. Maybe he just didn’t want to leave too many obvious marks that Zack might have noticed.  


Pulling himself up from the floor, Tyler fought to catch his breath and forced himself to swallow the blood welling up inside his mouth. Sharp pain shot through his arm the minute he tried to lift himself up. Fuck, he thought, so much for not worsening the injury.  


Once he’d eventually dragged himself up and back on his feet, Tyler made his way up to his room, shut the door and collapsed on top of his bed. He lay there for a while, allowing the pain to block every other one of his senses. Tyler kind of liked that. He liked that there was a strange sort of comfort in hurting; it swallowed him up and he embraced it.

“Hey, Ty, hey…”  


Slowly, Tyler was wrenched back into consciousness by a soft, familiar voice and a slight pressure on his shoulder. He blinked. There was a figure leaning over him, he noted sleepily. And then more sharply, as his mind came into focus; there was a figure leaning over him.  


He shot up to a sitting position, alarming Zack who was kneeling besides Tyler’s bed. It was just Zack. Tyler breathed, glancing around his surroundings. He must have fallen asleep. He had no idea what time it was, and was about to ask Zack before he noticed the horrified glean in his brother’s eyes gazing back at him.  


“Shit, Tyler…”  


“What?” But the throbbing in his cheek and sting of his split lip reminded him that he probably wasn’t looking his best. “Oh…” He dropped his gaze immediately. The pity in Zack’s eyes repelled his own like the two matching ends of magnets.  


“Did dad do that..?” Zack was still crouched besides Tyler’s bed. His voice was small and shook slightly. Tyler didn’t want to have this conversation. He had never wanted Zack to know just how bad things had become.  


“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”  


“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to help, to stop him…”  


Tyler was feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation. “It’s fine.”  


“It’s not fucking fine, Tyler!”  


Tyler flinched at the sudden outburst, before inwardly cursing his own involuntary display of weakness. Zack, visibly hurt at the reaction, withdrew slightly. “Sorry…”He breathed.  


He shouldn’t be apologising. It was Tyler that should apologise. And god, he wished he could. He wished he could tell Zack how sorry he was. He wished he could tell everyone how sorry he was. But it wasn’t enough. It could never be enough.  


There was a moment of silence between them. Tyler, still avoiding Zack’s eye-line, immersed himself in pulling at a loose bit of cotton on his bed.  


Eventually, Zack spoke again. “You know why he’s so mad don’t you…”  


“The same reason he always is?”  


“It was their wedding anniversary yesterday. That’s why I came down, I knew dad would be upset I just had no-“  


“It’s always some anniversary,” Tyler cut him off, surprised at his own anger. “It’s always someone’s birthday or a specific amount of time since some important event. There’s always a reason for him to be mad. It’s always going to be a day that she is gone.”  


“I’m so sorry, Tyler…”  


Hearing his brothers soft voice, apologising to him, only increased Tyler’s frustration. Why didn’t Zack understand? Tyler didn’t want him to be sorry. He didn’t want him to feel bad or to care. Tyler didn’t deserve that.  


“I had no idea things were so bad, that dad was… I don’t have to go back, to college I mean, I can stay…”  


“No. No, Zack.” He found himself fighting back the urge to cry and he wasn’t sure where it had come from. Maybe it was the care in his brothers’ eyes or the ache in his stomach or the pain in his wrist or the reality that he probably couldn’t play basketball again that week.  


Zack was too deep in thought to notice. “Or maybe you could come stay with me for a bit?”  


“Zack, I’m fine.”  


“Or Aunt Margaret? I’m sure she’d be totally fine with-“  


“Zack, stop. I’m fine.” Tyler snapped. “It’s fine.” He repeated, softer. “I need to… I need to stay here, okay?”  


“Why?!”  


He felt like such a dick. He knew his brother was only trying to help him. But Zack just didn’t understand, he didn’t see that Tyler needed this. Tyler deserved this. He was the reason their mom was dead. His dad had been right; Tyler did this. He ruined his dad’s life. He’d ruined all of their lives. This was God punishing him. But he just needed to endure one more year and then he would be forgiven. And he would get that basketball scholarship and go to college and be free to start again. And his father would be forgiven too, and maybe God would let him start again too. But Zack couldn’t see that. Zack didn’t realise. This was Tyler’s atonement.  


And Zack could never know. So instead, Tyler sighed, “Because I need to be here to take care of dad.” This was also not untrue. He did need to be there to make sure their father didn’t drink himself to death.  


Even Zack couldn’t argue with that. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”  


Tyler nodded.  


Zack didn’t look convinced, but after a moment of deliberation, lifted his arm to reveal a large brown paper bag. “I got Taco Bell on my way home. I figured, judging by the fact that there was nothing but beer, a block of cheese and a mouldy lime in the fridge, that neither you nor dad were doing much cooking nowadays.”  


Tyler grinned gratefully, and slipped off his bed to sit on the floor with his brother, pulling out the contents of the paper bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! let me know what you think, your opinions are super important to me.  
> also - for the purpose of the story i have only given tyler the one, older brother as zack and i want to keep this fictional family as distinctly separate from the real joseph family as possible, whom i am sure are all lovely


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ 3 chapters in and Josh and Tyler finally meet ~
> 
> this chapter is based on a tumblr prompt I saw a while ago, hope you enjoy!!

Tyler woke up feeling like shit.

His head throbbed and his eyes ached, heavy with exhaustion. It seemed like ages before he was able to drag his body away from the warm clutches of his bed and slowly out of his room, into the shower. 

The hot gush of water stung his skin before gradually wrenching each of his muscles awake. He let it run over him, his hair, his face, his back already feeling the relief of the previous day being washed off of him. 

Once washed, and a little more alive, Tyler stepped out, wrapped a towel around his waist and stopped before the mirror in front of him. 

He looked like shit. 

He hadn’t even thought his dad had hit him that hard but he had this huge, shiny bruise on his left cheek bone and the split in his lip was definitely not about to go unnoticed. Fuck. How the heck was he going to explain this? He was pretty sure he’d exhausted all basketball-related excuses and no one was going to believe he fell skateboarding again. 

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Today was not going to be fun. 

*** 

“Josh! You’re running late again! How do you even manage this? I heard your alarm go off eight times this morning.” 

Josh shuffled into the kitchen in his pyjamas, where his mother was wearing the same exasperated expression she wore every morning. 

“I told you,” his voice creaked with sleep, “I have this incredible and rare talent of snoozing my alarm while unconscious. It’s not my fault.” 

Groggily, Josh reached into the fridge, pulled out the carton of milk and drank. His mom had long given up trying to get him to stop drinking from the carton, instead opting for an intense glare as she handed him a bowl and the cereal. He smiled sheepishly at her. 

“You look good.” He told her, as he poured his milk, and then cereal into the bowl. Josh thought his mom always looked good. Always. And he told her so every single morning, whether she was dressed for a meeting or curled up on the sofa in her pyjamas. Today, she had opted for the former; clearly about to leave for a busy day at work. 

She thanked him, told him his father had already left and picked up her purse from the counter. Josh never really saw his dad anymore, or so it felt. He worked hard, really hard, leaving the house well before Josh had even woke up and often not making it home until after he and his mom had eaten dinner. He knew it was important; he was a lieutenant in the police force, but it also really kind of sucked. For Josh and his mom. 

Mrs Dun gave her son a quick kiss on the cheek just as he’d shovelled a spoonful of Lucky Charms into his mouth before heading out of the door to work. 

The rest of Josh’s morning was a frantic rush. He threw himself into the shower, threw on some clothes and then almost threw himself at the bus in a desperate attempt not to miss it. Ashley laughed as he panted his thanks to the driver and collapsed into the seat next to her. “That was close.” 

The journey to school for Josh was always fun. He used to dread getting the bus into his old school, knowing that the jocks and the basketball team all sat at the front. But this was different. The front rows had been claimed by the people Josh now called friends, much like the corner at the back of the school cafeteria had. They were the weirdos, the outsiders, and yet they had some kind of unquestioned authority here. They were this close-knit, crazy force against society and no one outside of their circle mattered. Besides, it was never dull with those guys. Today’s bus ride involved Pete and Brendon having an extremely dramatic argument over whether Batman or Spiderman would survive longer in a zombie apocalypse, Frank converting half the bus to vegetarianism with one video and Ashley paying some kid to do her math homework for her in sweet potato fries. 

“Listen. All I’m saying is that, realistically, Batman is gonna get all sentimental over some kid or something and you know that he’d try and act the hero and sacrifice himself. He’d last about five minutes.” 

“And all I’m saying,” Brendon yelled after Pete as they got off the bus, “is you’re a whore ass bitch.” 

“And what does that have to do with anything?!” 

The argument continued, much to Josh and Ashley’s dismay, right up until they arrived in their usual corner of the cafeteria and Brendon and Pete got distracted by Mr Gibson walking past them and greeting Josh. After that, the conversation became a lot less PG-13. Josh distracted himself by wandering over to where Frank and Gerard were sat. 

“Hey guys, is everything okay?” 

Frank looked to him solemnly, before glancing to Gerard. Josh got the distinctly uncomfortable feeling that he’d just interrupted something very intense between the two of them. 

Gerard fiddled with the pencil in his hand. “It’s my brother, Mikey... My parents found drugs in his room again last night. And not the good kind.” 

Josh dropped into the seat besides Frank. “Oh man, Gerard I’m so sorry… Is he, is he okay?” 

Gerard nodded, eyes fixed on his pencil. “Yeah, man, he’s okay… It’s just… I just never wanted him to struggle with this the same way I did, I never… drugs and my family… they just don’t mix well, y’know? I just wish he’d stayed away from them.” 

Finally, Gerard shared a glance with Josh, his eyes so honest and sad. Josh nodded his understanding. Though he hadn’t known Gerard at the time, Josh had heard the guys talk about Gerard’s drug problem. It all apparently came to a head last summer when Gerard was hospitalised, but he’d sobered up and hadn’t gone anywhere near drink or drugs since. 

Frank reached a hand across the table and took Gerard’s in it. “He’ll be okay.” 

The gesture was a friendly one, but with the look in Frank’s eyes, Josh couldn’t help feeling there was more to it. From Frank’s side, at least. 

“Yeah, he’ll get through this.” Josh added in reassurance. “And y’know, if he ever needs friends, he’s got us.” 

The bell soon rang to signal it was time for the first class of the day and everyone gathered their things and made their way to their respective classrooms. 

Well, everyone, except Josh. 

“So, you going to actually make it to gym today Josh?” Andy nudged him, grinning. 

“What a stupid question. Of course I’m not.” 

Josh always bunked gym. Josh bunked gym so often no one even knew he was supposed to be in gym. And Josh was so tragically bad at gym that the gym teacher really couldn’t care less if Josh bunked gym. 

So Josh would go to the band room. 

The band room was a kind of special haven for Josh. It was the only place where he could play drums. Really play drums. Without any distractions or people watching him or fear of being too loud. He didn’t have his own kit at home, so he had to rely on using the school’s any moment he could. And Tuesday morning drum sessions were the best part of Josh’s week. Already, as the crowd of students in the cafeteria was slowly dissipating, Josh could feel that rise in his chest; the anticipation of finally getting to release everything that had been building up inside of him. 

Playing drums, for Josh, was the greatest thing in the world. 

Once the cafeteria was cleared, Josh made his way to the bathroom on the east wing where the music rooms were. There was always a teacher pacing the corridors during the first five minutes of class, ready to catch anyone that was late to school, so Josh hid in there for a while. It was a tiny box of a bathroom that no one ever used, with just the one cubicle, a broken mirror and a sink that didn’t work, so it was the perfect hiding spot. No one ever went in there. 

Except, apparently, for today. 

The minute Josh stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him as quietly as he could, he saw that the cubicle door was locked. And then he heard a sniff. 

Fuck. 

Immediately, his heart rate rose. No one ever went into that bathroom. Never. What was he going to do? If he stayed, there was a risk that the person in the cubicle was a teacher and he’d get caught, but if he left the bathroom there was the risk he’d run into whoever was on corridor duty and still get caught. 

Another sniffle. And another. 

Were they crying? 

Did they know Josh was in there? 

Deciding it was probably best to stay in the bathroom, Josh cleared his throat and shuffled his feet to declare his presence to the mystery person in the cubicle. He could almost sense the person behind the door freeze. 

Silence. This was awkward, Josh thought, and was just wondering if he should risk it and attempt to sneak into the band room from there after all, when the door unlocked and out stepped a boy with tufty, brunette hair that Josh vaguely recognised as the captain of the basketball team. 

The boy barely glanced at Josh and muttered a small ‘hey’ as he stepped out of the cubicle. Josh was just relieved it wasn’t a teacher. 

“Hey.” 

He went over to the sink. 

“It doesn’t work.” Josh informed him. 

“Oh.” 

Josh was just about to let him pass to leave the bathroom, when the sound of footsteps echoed from outside. They got closer, and then a voice called out; “Tyler Joseph?” 

It was Mr Williams. 

Both boys instinctively looked to each other, eyes wide. Fuck. 

They didn’t have much time. Josh gestured to the cubicle. “Get in.” he mouthed. 

Frantically, they scrambled into the cramped toilet stall, trying to remain as silent as possible as the boy Josh assumed was Tyler got his head stuck under Josh’s armpit whilst he attempted to reach over him and lock the door without stepping on Tyler’s foot. 

Josh had just managed to slide the bolt across when he slipped, landing his butt on the toilet basin and tripping Tyler, who only just managed to catch himself on the wall behind and avoid smashing faces with Josh. Josh grimaced apologetically. 

They both waited, breathless, their noses almost touching between Tyler’s outstretched arms holding him up. Josh heard the bathroom door open and Mr Williams called out again, “Tyler Joseph is that you?” 

Josh panicked. Something about the fear in Tyler’s eyes, just centimetres away from his own, made him speak up. 

“No sir, uh no, it’s me… Josh Dun.” 

“What are you doing in here? You should be in class.” Mr Williams snapped. “Do you have a bathroom pass?” 

“Uh, well, you see the thing is sir…” What the fuck was he going to say? 

“The thing is… I uh, I had a dodgy Mexican last night and you really might want to leave right now because this is not going to be pretty.” 

Nice. 

Tyler’s face crinkled with the strain of trying not to laugh and Josh couldn’t help but note how adorable the little shoulder-bitey thing he did in an attempt to stop himself from cracking up was. 

“Ah.” Mr Williams faltered. “Say no more, son. I completely understand.” 

Only when they were both sure Mr Williams was long out of ear-shot, did Tyler breathe and Josh fully register the ridiculousness of what had just happened. 

“Thanks.” Tyler smiled. 

It was then that Josh noticed two distinct things: 

1\. Tyler Joseph was the most beautiful boy he had ever had the fortunate ability to share a toilet cubicle with and 

2\. Tyler had a split lip, bruised cheek and generally looked like he’d been in a fight. Something Josh found far hotter than he felt he probably should have. 

Suddenly seeming aware of their intense proximity, Tyler attempted to re-distribute his weight and pull away from the wall. He apparently misjudged, however, because he wobbled and ended up gripping onto Josh’s thigh for support. 

“Shit, sorry.” He retracted immediately, finally stable. 

Josh laughed nervously, “It’s fine.” 

Josh stood up as Tyler unlocked the door and they were both finally able to step back out into the suddenly very spacious bathroom. 

“Thanks again for y’know…” Tyler gestured vaguely before running his hand through his hair. He seemed very nervous for the basketball captain, Josh thought, but then again he had just been caught crying in a toilet cubicle. 

“It’s no problem.” He smiled reassuringly. Josh wasn’t used to being the least nervous person in the conversation, but it felt kind of empowering, like he had a duty to make Tyler feel less nervous. “I mean, I won’t be able to face Mr Williams ever again, but it was worth it… I’m Josh, by the way.” 

“Tyler.” 

An awkward silence invaded the room. Josh wasn’t sure if he should invite Tyler to the band room with him. Maybe that would be weird. Maybe Tyler had plans. 

Eventually, Tyler cleared his throat. “Well I uh… I guess I should probably head to math and make some excuse for why I’m late… Maybe I’ll take inspiration from you and blame it on taco-induced bowel troubles.” 

“Yeah… or, maybe you could join me? If you wanted to, I mean?” 

Tyler looked at him with wide, deep brown eyes. His expression offered no indication as to whether he thought that was a brilliant or a terrible suggestion. In fact, he just looked… sad. 

Josh looked down at his hands. “I uh… I usually go to the band room. Play drums. Escape… everything, for a while. You could come, if you didn’t want to go to math, I mean…” 

Tyler’s own hands were stuffed into the pockets of his black jeans. “Okay…” He said, his voice the same small sound it had been when he’d first spoken to Josh. Josh felt a flutter of something he couldn’t quite detect deep in his chest. 

Josh opened the bathroom door and double checked the corridor was empty before he stepped out and they made their way to the music rooms. 

“So, do you always skip class and go to the band room?” Tyler asked as they walked. 

“Only on Tuesdays when I have gym.” 

“And no one notices?” 

Josh smiled. “I’m very bad at gym. Turning up is just a hazard for everyone involved, so its best I don’t go… The only gym class I’ve ever been to at this school ended up with me accidentally breaking a goal post and some kid’s nose within the first five minutes.” 

“That was you?!” 

Josh nodded. “I stick to drumming now.” 

Josh swung open the door to the third of the three band rooms, the one with the best kit in, and gestured for Tyler to go in first. 

Tyler entered and then stopped, looking longingly at the piano in the corner. 

“Do you play?” Josh asked him, taking his seat at the drum kit and instinctively picking up a set of sticks. 

“I used to.” 

Tyler drew up a chair and sat in front of Josh and the drums. Josh was about to ask him why he stopped, when Tyler spoke “Come on then. I want to see you play.” 

Josh was nervous about playing in front of Tyler, but he really had been dying to get back on the drums, so he just hit out a simple beat, one he knew so well it felt like home. And Tyler watched, expressionless as Josh lost himself in it. Eyes closed, he blocked out all other sensory inputs. Nothing else was. Nothing else existed but the beat, reverberating through his arms, his bones, his whole body. 

He only stopped when the muscles in his arms screamed at him to. And it was only when he reopened his eyes, breathless and damp with sweat, he remembered that he wasn’t alone. 

“Wow.” Tyler looked at him with an awe that made Josh blush. 

“Sorry,” He breathed, “it’s been a while and I kind of needed that.” 

“No don’t… don’t apologise that was… that was amazing. You’re really good. Really good.” 

“Thanks.” 

Tyler shrank a little in his chair, and his face was washed with sadness again. Josh was reminded of the way he had looked at that piano. 

“Why did you stop playing piano?” He asked. 

Tyler avoided making eye contact. Josh noticed he had a habit of doing that, but it only made it all the more intense when he finally did, and Josh found himself almost desperately willing Tyler to look in his eyes at all times. Tyler made no such move, instead focusing on his hands, entwined in his lap. 

“I just… Other things took priority, I guess. Studying for finals and basketball and stuff…” 

Josh nodded. Senior year was really kicking everyone’s ass and they’d only been in it for a month. 

“So what else do you do?” He asked Tyler, “Apart from basketball and getting into fights?” 

“Huh?” 

Josh glanced to Tyler’s left cheek. “That’s quite a bruise you’ve got there… What happened?” 

“Oh aha… Yeah, basketball aha…” Tyler shifted in his seat, sliding his hands underneath him so he was sat on them. 

“You did that playing basketball?” Josh was dubious. He didn’t know much about sport, clearly, but he was pretty sure basketball didn’t involve issuing right-hooks. 

“Hey, basketballs are powerful! Have you ever had one to the face?” 

“Okay, no…” 

“Exactly! They’re lethal” 

A nudge in his mind told Josh that maybe he shouldn’t trust this guy. There was something wrong there; something not quite right in the way his smile never quite reached the corners of his mouth, the way his voice hollowed out when he spoke, the exhaustion painted in the grey circles around his eyes. And yet, Josh found himself so lost in those sad eyes that the nudge was gone within seconds, and it didn’t even leave a trace. 

Josh wanted to believe Tyler. Josh wanted to get entirely wrapped up in Tyler. He wanted to let Tyler tell him anything and God Josh would hang off every word like his life depended on it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for how long this chapter has taken. I've been snowed under with work and exams and stuff recently but it's definitely not going to take me this long to update again. Really appreciate you guys for sticking around!!

“Wait, so you’re telling me that the person you found crying, embraced in a toilet cubicle and then played drums for was Tyler Joseph?”

“Yes.” Josh wasn’t really sure why Brendon, or everyone else, was finding this such a big deal as he recounted the story at lunch. 

“Tyler Joseph? As in basketball captain, once-popular, now super depressed and in the running to beat Frank as angstiest kid in school Tyler Joseph?” 

“Yes, Tyler Jo- Wait what, why super depressed?” 

“I am not angsty!” 

Brendon turned to Frank and with a long, slow glance took in his appearance, from his jet-black hair to his ripped black Converse shoes. “Frank. You paint your nails black, you only listen to punk, you hate humanity and the word ‘motherfucker’ makes up 80% of your vocabulary.” 

Frank visibly fought back a smile. “Motherfucker.” 

“Anyway, guys, seriously. Tell me about Tyler Joseph.” Josh was eager not to let this slide. 

Brendon looked like he didn’t quite know where to start. Pete, apparently, did. “Tyler Joseph was like your typical basketball kid; super popular, hung out with Drew and Chase and all the other keg-stand drinking Neanderthals. But then, like a year ago… Tyler’s mom died. She was killed in a car accident and Tyler just… I don’t know man, he just got super depressed and stopped talking to anyone except that Mark guy.” 

“It’s really sad actually…” Patrick added from besides Pete, “Tyler’s in a couple of my classes and he just… sits there. He doesn’t acknowledge anyone and no one acknowledges him.” 

“But doesn’t anyone… Doesn’t anyone care, I mean… didn’t anyone help him?” Josh looked to each of the faces looking up at him from the lunch table, feeling he was somehow missing something. 

Pete shrugged. “Tyler is captain of the basketball team. I am captain of the dick sucking team. People like us don’t mix with people like Tyler Joseph. His mom was part of the church committee and his family are all total religious nuts. You can bet your ass he thinks all gays are filthy sinners and probably can’t even jerk off because _the eyes of the Lord are always watching_.” 

“Pete, as always, didn’t put that in the most… elegant of terms, but he is kind of right.” Hayley admitted. “Those guys have always given us a hard time… It’s different now, cause we’re all adults and stuff, but they made freshman year hell for a lot of us.” 

“They were fucking bastards.” Pete flared, “They bullied Patrick for no fucking reason other than because they enjoyed it. They made him feel like shit, they-“ 

“Pete, its fine.” Patrick interrupted, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. 

“No its not.” 

“It is…” Patrick looked to Josh, “They were pretty awful but like Hayley said, that’s in the past now and honestly, Tyler never did anything to me. In fact, he’d always be the one to get them to stop.” 

Josh may not have known them, or Tyler, back then but he knew how it felt to be bullied for being different. It’s the reason he left his old school… The pathetic name-calling and pranking of freshman year had been long over, but when Josh came out so did the claws. It was a particularly Catholic school with a particularly vicious group mentality and everyone had turned on him for being gay. 

Then again, it was so hard for Josh to picture the anxious, bruised boy he had run into in the bathroom as this popular jock his friends had painted him as. 

Eventually Josh nodded. “Yeah, you guys know him better than I do… he just, he just seemed so sad, y’know?” 

*** 

Tyler left the band room and Josh feeling, what he could only describe as, giddy. Which in itself made him feel silly and self-conscious. He didn’t know why he felt like this; like a thick black fog had suddenly been cleared. Maybe it was just watching Josh play the drums with so much energy and passion, maybe it was how Josh had covered for him in the bathroom, maybe it was the fact Josh had bright pink wispy hair and such soft brown eyes and maybe it was because they had been so close to each other in that cubicle and because Josh smelled really, really good like oak and honey and home. 

Or maybe, Tyler checked himself, it was just because Josh had been the first proper human contact he had had in months. 

Tyler didn’t know what it was he was feeling, and he didn’t know what it was about Josh that had caused him to feel that way. But for once, he didn’t want to over-think this. He didn’t want to ruin it. All he knew was that for the first time in a very long time, a bit of that darkness inside him had been shattered with light. 

He and Josh had talked a lot in the band room, about music (about which Josh knew a LOT) and basketball (about which Josh knew NOTHING) and they talked about Josh’s family; his mom and his dad and his little sister, how his uncle was their English teacher. Tyler hadn’t even known they were in the same English class. 

Once the bell had rung for the end of class, Josh headed off to chemistry and Tyler made his way to psychology, where he found Mark standing outside the room avidly tapping away at his phone. 

“Hey Mark!” Tyler greeted him. 

Mark’s head snapped up from his screen. He looked to Tyler at first with shock, then confusion, then a kind of scepticism like Tyler had just told him the president was around the corner. 

“Hey… Tyler… Everything okay?” 

“Yeah! Yeah… Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Mark studied Tyler intensely. “Because this is the first time in the entirety of our friendship that I have ever known you to use that much enthusiasm in two syllables. Also, I’m not sure if it’s just the lighting in here, but I swear to God those bags under your eyes you’ve been carrying forever have shrunk dramatically… Are you on drugs?!” 

“What? No, no. I’m just… I don’t know I…” Tyler didn’t know if he wanted to tell Mark about Josh and the band room or not. Part of him wanted to stand on a table and scream about it for the whole class to hear, the other part of him wanted to keep it a secret, like talking about it would shatter it, or taint it. If he talked about it he brought it into reality, and if he brought it into reality he exposed it to the darkness. He didn’t want the darkness to get into the band room. 

Tyler opted for a shrug, before he entered the classroom and took his seat, Mark still eyeing him quizzically. 

Psychology passed as usual, though Tyler kept finding himself lost and back in the band room with Josh, re-watching him hit the drums or smile or laugh… and dragging himself back to Sigmund Freud became harder and harder each time. 

The majority of the rest of the day was spent in the same Josh-filled haze. Gym class brought him crashing back to reality though. Literally. 

They were playing dodgeball and things had become pretty heated as Drew and Ryan were on opposing teams. Though they barely spoke anymore, Tyler had still somehow found himself roped into their cross-net battle; probably because Drew knew he’d help him win. 

And they were winning, right up until Drew and Tyler went to hit the same ball at exactly the same time and collided straight into each other, missing the ball completely. Drew, being the bigger of the two, ended up flooring Tyler who landed awkwardly on his left arm. 

Pain shot through his wrist and Tyler bit back a scream. 

“Oh shit, dude, I’m so sorry… are you okay?” Drew, who had managed to remain on his feet, held out a hand to Tyler. 

Tyler took it and attempted to stand without putting any pressure on his arm. “Yeah, it’s cool… just my arm.” He mumbled, trying to hide just how much it hurt. 

Coach Bolton strode over. “What happened guys?” He turned towards Tyler, “Joseph, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing… It’s just my arm. I landed on it.” 

Coach Bolton was the kind of man that looked permanently furious. “Well is it okay? Can you play?” He high-fived Tyler’s outstretched hand. 

“Shit!” Tyler winced. Not a good sign. 

“That’s a no, then.” Coach growled, scowling at Drew and Tyler as though they’d done this on purpose. Tyler knew what this meant, what their Coach was thinking; if Tyler was injured he’d have to sit out of basketball practice that week. Maybe even the weekend’s game. And for both coach and Tyler, that wasn’t an option. 

“Joseph, get to the nurse. Baker, back to the game.” He instructed, and Tyler obediently made his way to the nurse’s office. 

The nurses office was a deceptively colourful room, with yellow painted walls and several ‘inspirational’ quotes in frames. For Tyler, it had become somewhere he was very familiar with, and never associated with good memories. Nurse Jackson no longer even feigned surprise when Tyler turned up with another injury. 

“God, Tyler what have you done now?” She asked has he entered sheepishly. 

“Dodgeball.” 

She looked at him sceptically. 

“No, really, it actually was dodgeball. I sort of collided with Drew and landed on my arm and now it really hurts.” 

Nurse Jackson rolled her eyes and examined Tyler’s arm, before wrapping it up in a supportive bandage. “I think you’ve probably just sprained it, but because it’s previously been broken you need to be careful. I’ll email Coach Bolton to let him know you won’t be in gym class for the rest of the week and I strongly recommend you don’t play any basketball either.” 

Tyler had been expecting it, but it still struck him with panic. “What about the game on Sunday, can I play then?” 

She looked like she had been about to say no, but the desperation in Tyler’s expression had perhaps been enough to change her mind, because she nodded. “If you stay away from basketball and all other sports for the rest of the week, and it no longer hurts, then I don’t see why not.” 

“Okay, good.” 

He glanced up to find her looking at him with a mix of pity and bewilderment. Like he was a dying bird on the side of the road she didn’t quite know what to do with. Like she wanted to help him but knew any attempt would be futile. 

Most people had stopped looking at him like that. Most people had realised it was useless; some things are just too broken to be fixed, too damned to be saved. Most people had come to realise Tyler was one of those things, and Tyler felt sure that Nurse Jackson finally had too as she replaced her usual words of support and comfort for a sigh and a weak smile. 

“Okay Tyler, you’d better get back to gym before class ends and I’ll send Coach Bolton that email.” 

Tyler nodded, thanked her and left. 

Telling Coach Bolton that he couldn’t go to practice was not going to go well. Tyler had only been back playing for a couple of months after the same wrist had broken and now he was going to have to sit out another week of practice. He’d already been feeling like he didn’t deserve to have been made team captain and now it seemed that absolutely everything was going out of its way to prove Tyler right. Maybe he was right. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be captain. Maybe this was God’s way of telling him to give up. 

But the scholarship… He needed it. It was his redemption, wasn’t it? 

Wasn’t it? 

Tyler’s heart was beating so fast he needed to stop walking and take a moment to calm himself down. His hands shook, so he clenched them tightly. He couldn’t think about that. He knew not getting that scholarship was an option. He knew that God might decide he wasn’t ready to be forgiven. But he couldn’t think about that. Not now. 

His mind scrambled for something else to think about, some other thought to hold onto, when the image of a boy with a smile of sunshine and hair like cotton candy floated in and Tyler clung to it like his life depended on it. 

Finally, breathing calmed, Tyler made his way to the boys changing room. 

He changed in the empty locker room, not needing to worry about anyone glancing his way and noticing the ugly bruises and scars that littered his back and torso. It was nice. 

He wondered what Josh would think, if he knew… If he knew what Tyler had done, what an awful person he was, the things his dad did to him… He never wanted to find out. He wanted to keep Josh as separate from that Tyler as possible. Josh didn’t need to know that Tyler. Josh didn’t need to know the darkness. 

The rest of the class entered the locker room not long after. Tyler grabbed his things and left quickly, wanting to get this conversation over with as fast as possible. 

Coach Bolton was in his office. “Tyler, I was wondering where you’d got to. Come in.” 

Tyler stepped inside and his coach closed the door behind him. “Let me guess. You can’t do gym for the rest of the week and you can’t come to tonight’s or Friday’s practice.” 

“You’ve got Nurse Jackson’s email then…?” 

“Yeah.” He growled, “I got it.” 

Tyler had that same nauseous feeling he got when he came home to find his dad drunk and angry. 

“Tyler, the first game of the semester is this Sunday. I need you on it. I need you and this team ready to win. That’s not gonna happen if you’re missing practices all the damn time. I made you Captain of this team for a reason, don’t make me regret it.” 

“I won’t, I promise.” 

“Listen,” Coach Bolton sighed, momentarily abandoning his usual aggressive tone, “I know you’ve had a tough year. But you’ve gotta get that fight back. I know it’s in there still. I know you’ve still got it. But you need to put the work in to find it. You’re not only part of this team, you’re captain of it. Start acting like it.” 

Tyler knew he was right, He was failing his team. “I’ll sort it. I promise.” 

Coach sighed and Tyler once again was the dying bird. “Okay, you can go. I’ll see you on Sunday.” 

Tyler nodded and left. 

By the time the bell signalled the end of the day, Tyler had been invaded by that same nauseous dread and monotonous bleakness he felt every day and the morning in the band room no longer even seemed real. 

But it had been real. Something about Josh and his drums had made Tyler feel so free and alive and he wanted so badly to feel that way again. This past year he had become so wrapped up in his darkness he had forgotten what it even meant to be in the light; to be free, to be okay. 

He supposed he should probably go to practice, despite not being able to play; he was captain and he should at least be there to support his team. It also beat going home. 

In the locker room, Tyler gave the team one of his speeches, spouting some bullshit about how he was going to use this opportunity to focus in on each of their weaknesses and what they needed to work on for the game. “We are going to win this game next week and we are finally going to make it into the top league. We are gonna show them, show every school in the state, show every college representative what we can do.” He told them, to roars of determination. “So, even though I’ll not be playing with you today I’m gonna be watching your every move. Show me what you’ve got. Show me what we as a team have got. And then we are gonna show Holybrook team exactly what we’ve got. You want to get into the top ranks for next summer? Fight for it.” 

The room erupted with cheers and the buzz of excitement was electric. Tyler wished he was able to play. It would have at least taken his mind off everything. 

“Alright guys,” A gruff voice sounded from behind. Tyler hadn’t even noticed their coach enter the room. “You heard your captain. Show us what you’ve got.” 

The team poured out of the locker room past Tyler and Coach Bolton into the gym, bouncing and whooping. 

“That was a good speech, Tyler. That’s why I made you Captain. Don’t lose it.” 

The practice was a good one. The team were on it and Tyler felt certain they were going to smash the game on Sunday. They’d come a long way since last year. But there was something else that kept tugging at the back of his mind the entire time and Tyler hadn’t been sure what it was until the game had finished and he knew that there was only one place in the world he wanted to be. 

Instead of following his team into the locker room, Tyler turned left out of the gym and strode towards the east wing. 

He wasn’t entirely sure what it was that carried him towards the music corridor and into the very band room he had watched Josh play in. He just knew, somehow, that what he needed was in there. 

The piano. 

He stood and looked at it for a moment, nervous to even take a seat. It had been so long since he’d last played. 

Eventually though, he drew up the stool and placed his hands lightly over the keys. And then before he had thought about what he was doing, before he had even thought of what to play, his fingers were floating across the keyboard, a flurry of E minor and F major chords following them in elegant harmony. It was a song he knew like a best friend. It was one of the songs his mother had taught him. 

As Tyler grew more comfortable his hands became more confident. He closed his eyes and let his other senses take over. That same feeling he had been given by Josh seemed to emanate off the keys, flowing through his fingertips, through his arms, through every cell in his body until he finally felt whole again. And for the few minutes he played, absolutely nothing but himself and the music was; nothing outside of that band room existed. 

He didn’t stay long. He heard movement outside and realised with a glance through the window in the door that the school cleaners had arrived and he would have to leave. With a final glance back to the piano as he made his way out, he promised it he would come back. 

And after school the next day, he did. And on Friday, too. 

It was Friday and Tyler was playing, completely immersed in the sound, when the door to the band room swung open so suddenly Tyler almost fell off the piano stool. 

“Holy shit that was incredible!” 

Josh Dun was stood in the open doorway looking awed and slightly flustered. Not as flustered as Tyler probably looked though, he thought, as he composed himself. He became acutely aware of the hot flush of his cheeks. 

Josh had found him in Josh’s band room. Josh had heard Tyler play piano. 

Tyler opened his mouth in an attempt to say something – thank you, sorry for being in your band room, don’t do that I almost shit myself – anything. Unfortunately all that came out was an almost inaudible blur of vowels that sounded embarrassingly like he was about to vomit. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you I just… When you said you could play I had no idea you… I mean you can _play_.” Josh’s words tumbled out in a way that made Tyler want to watch him talk forever. 

Tyler shifted in his seat. He felt strangely exposed and vulnerable. “I’m sorry I should, I should go…” 

“Wait what? No. You need to stay, you need to play for me.” Josh stepped forwards, letting the door swing shut behind him. “I played for you, it’s only fair!” He added with a grin. 

Tyler’s mouth went dry. He hadn’t played piano for anyone since his mother died. But it was more than just that. His fingers trembled in his lap slightly. Why did Josh make him so nervous? 

“Uhh…okay…” 

Josh dragged up a chair and sat in front of the piano intently. His smile was warm, and it eased Tyler a little. He took a deep breath, placed his fingers back in their place and began to play. He played the same song he had been practicing before, keeping his eyes fixed on the row of black and white in front of him the entire time. 

Josh said nothing and Tyler refused to look up to check Josh’s reaction until the song had finished, his hands had left the keys and returned to safety tucked under his thighs. 

Only then did he allow himself a glance to the boy in front of him. 

“Wow.” The word passed Josh’s lips as not so much a word but a breath. 

Tyler’s cheeks flared again. “Thanks.” 

Josh appeared to be studying Tyler, trying to work him out, trying to understand something. “Why did you stop playing?” He asked eventually. 

Tyler considered his answer. His immediate instinct was to lie, say he just lost interest or had other things to focus on, but something about the way Josh looked at him made him want to tell him the truth. 

“I um… My mom, she was the one that taught me. She was really good, much better than I am. But anyway she uh… she died and I just… haven’t played since.” 

“What made you start again?” 

“You.” 

The word left Tyler’s lips before he even processed the weight of what he was saying, but once it had it hung heavy in the air between them. He felt stupid. Why did he say that? 

He knew the answer, of course. He said it because it was true. Josh was the reason. If Tyler had never seen Josh play his drums with such passion, if Josh hadn’t reminded him of how good it felt to play, to lose yourself and all your fears and insecurities and hurt in music, then Tyler probably would never have sat at a piano again. 

This time, Tyler wasn’t the only one blushing. 

“Do you write songs? Can you sing?” 

“Uh actually yeah… a little… Well mostly it’s like poetry… Like I fit poetry to the music, y’know?” 

“Perfect! Look at us! I play drums, you play piano and sing… A hit band in the making!” 

Tyler got the sense Josh was deliberately trying to smooth out the intensity between them, “I play ukulele too, if that helps.” He smiled. 

Josh laughed loudly. “Brilliant! We’re gonna sell out arenas.” 

“Ah yes, the pioneers of ukulele piano rap.” 

“Hey, don’t knock it till you’ve heard it. I reckon we could be onto something here.” 

Tyler knew it was a joke, but he allowed himself to imagine, just briefly, the possibility of him and Josh on stage, playing music. It had been a dream of Tyler’s a long time ago to perform to people, be in a band, sell out arenas, have a fan following. A dream he shared with the majority of all 12 year old boys that had ever listened to Nirvana, but his dream nonetheless. 

“What happened to your arm?” Josh’s question caught Tyler off-guard. 

“Huh? Oh… Um… dodgeball.” 

It didn’t sound very convincing even to Tyler. It wasn’t really a lie though, was it? 

Josh clearly seemed to think it was a lie though, raising his eyebrows, but he didn’t press it. Instead, he said “I’m sorry about your mom. That’s a pretty horrendous thing to have to go through. You should carry on playing piano though.” 

“Thanks.” 

“So maybe we could make this a thing? You and me in the band room, I mean… you can play piano, I’ll play drums… Who knows maybe this band will happen? Maybe this was meant to be.” 

Tyler’s heart did the fluttery thing that only Josh made it do. “That would… That would be amazing.” 

Tyler felt a sudden urge to thank Josh. He wanted to tell him how much what he had just said meant. He had no idea why, but Josh made Tyler feel whole again. Like Josh filled up all those holes and cracks inside him with such positivity and light and Tyler remembered what it was like to feel real again. 

Maybe it was because when Josh looked at Tyler, Tyler didn’t feel like a helpless dying bird, Tyler felt like he could soar.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this chapter has taken me so long to post, I've been crazy busy!! Chapter 6 should also be following pretty soon, thanks so much to those of you that have stuck around and sorry to those of you that have been waiting ages on this!

Tyler decided to walk home from school on Friday, feeling the same colour as the golden sunset settling over the streets. Thoughts of Josh filled him up and, once again ignoring the question ‘why?’ tugging at the back of his mind, he let them.

He did a quick shop on the way home at the local store. Zack had been right; they really did need to stock up on more than just beer. And now that Zack had gone back to college, there wasn’t even the possibility of late night Taco Bell. 

Tyler just picked up a few of the essentials; vegetables and ham and milk and several microwave dinners for his dad. His dad rarely ate now, and when he did, pressing a few buttons on the microwave was as close as he got to actually cooking. Tyler’s chest seemed to hollow out a little at the thought; his dad used to love cooking.

As Tyler unlocked the front door and gingerly stepped inside, he held his breath as though that would somehow aid him in listening for signs of his father’s state. He heard nothing. Not even the television.  


Making sure to make as little noise as possible, in case his dad was sleeping, Tyler crept across the hallway and carried his bags of groceries to the kitchen.  


He jumped at the sight of his father sat at the kitchen table, though he barely acknowledged Tyler had even walked in. His eyes were glazed over, looking at nothing. Seeing nothing. He made no sound and no movement other than an occasional blink.  


“Hey… I uh… I bought some groceries.” Tyler said, placing the bags on the counter and beginning to sort everything away.  


His father made no reply. He just continued to stare, lost, into a void that no one else could see.  


“I got you a couple of microwave meals, you want me to leave one out for you?”  
Nothing.  


Tyler had seen his dad like this before. He went through phases and this one was the depression. Tyler hated it when his dad got like this. He preferred his dad angry, preferred his dad firing abuse at him relentlessly and staggering in from bars than this. If his dad was angry, Tyler knew what he could do to help; he knew that his dad could take it out on him and that would make him feel better. But when his dad got like this there was nothing Tyler could do but watch and wait. 

He put the remainder of the food away silently, leaving out a macaroni cheese in case his dad found he was able to bring himself to eat later on, before heading up to his room.

***  


“Triple chocolate brownie milkshake get inside of me.” Hayley collapsed into the seat next to Josh and handed him his own Oreo milkshake. 

Brendon, Pete and Frank followed her, joining the rest of the group on the sofas in the corner of Jim and Jimbo’s; their corner.

Jim and Jimbo’s was a cross between a café and a bar, run by Jim and Jimbo, the two gayest guys Josh had ever met. They owned the place and lived upstairs, with their dog Professor Barnabus McFartson The Third, a very excitable terrier that would occasionally run down to the café and greet the customers for treats and cuddles. Josh and his friends came to Jim and Jimbo’s nearly every weekend, and some days after school too. They had an area in the far back corner that they practically owned, and many an important discussion or drama had been resolved there. They also happened to do the most amazing milkshakes in all of the United States.

“I want this peanut butter and Oreo milkshake inside of me even more than I want Ryan Ross inside of me and that’s saying something.” Brendon declared.

“I want this milkshake inside of me more than Josh wants Tyler Joseph inside of him.” Pete added with a smirk. Josh almost choked on his own drink. 

“Ok, you win.” Brendon grinned.

“I do NOT want Tyler Joseph inside of me!!” Josh protested for what felt like the millionth time since he’d told the guys about The Toilet Cubicle Incident.

“No, he’s right,” Frank agreed, “if anyone’s topping it’s not gonna be Tyler.”

“True, Tyler is definitely a bottom.”

“Guys, seriously…” Josh could feel his cheeks flaring up.

“What?! You’re kidding right!” Brendon looked like someone had just insulted his grandmother. “Actual blasphemy, Tyler is so dom. He’s the kind of guy that would take Josh over his parents kitchen counter and then proceed to bake his mom cookies on it."

“TYLER JOSEPH IS NOT FUCKING ME ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER OR ANY OTHER PIECE OF HOUSEHOLD FURNITURE OKAY?!”

The entire café silenced. Josh’s words echoed in his ears, which were burning as hot as the rest of his face. His friends all looked at him in a moment of shock, before erupting with laughter. Pete looked like he was about to roll off his seat he was laughing so hard and even Josh couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Well at least we now know what Josh’s yearbook quote is gonna be.” Ashley grinned.

Josh threw a screwed up napkin at her, narrowly skidding past her blue hair. He really did wish his friends would all stop making jokes about him and Tyler hooking up, partially because it was pretty embarrassing but mostly because secretly, he wanted it. He would never have given them the satisfaction of telling them, but since that Tuesday morning Josh had dreamt about Tyler twice. And one of those dreams had, coincidentally, involved part of his kitchen furnishings. Tyler was hot – no, Tyler was beautiful. And he was sad and troubled and Josh knew that those things shouldn’t have attracted him to Tyler but they did. They so did. And every idle moment Josh found his mind had wandered off to thoughts of hazel eyes and lilac bruises.

It was hard enough knowing that Josh could never have Tyler, could never like him in any way more than as a friend, without Pete and Brendon joking about it every day.

And yet… he felt a small sense of pride, that even though it was just in this fantasy world, Tyler was in a sense, his. The jokes at least validated Josh’s own fantasies if nothing else.

“Anyway guys, now that the entire café knows about Josh’s sex life, let’s get onto the real reason we are here today: The Greatest and Gayest Halloween Party That Has Ever Been or Ever Will Be.” Brendon not only was the biggest drama queen of the group, but he also had the biggest house of them all; both qualities put together meant that Brendon really did throw the best parties. And this Halloween was to be no exception.

“Now that I am no longer grounded and can definitely come, I would like to request we get one of those penis-shaped piñatas.” Pete declared.

“Oh my god, those are a thing?!”

“Oh yes, Hayley, you’ve clearly never been on the darker side of Amazon."

“Well I haven’t got any penis shaped decorations, but I have more boxes of Halloween decorations than I can count. I’m sure my mom will be able to spare a few.” Josh offered.

Brendon beamed. “YES! God bless Momma Dun. So what I’m thinking is, straight after school on Friday y’all come to mine to help me set up and we can all get ready and looking fabulous together before everyone arrives, yeah?"

“Sounds good to me!”

“Has anyone actually sorted a costume out yet?” Josh asked, suddenly realising how close Halloween was and hoping he wasn’t the only one to have not given it any thought at all

“Yes!!”

“Of course.”

“Mine and Patrick’s is a secret.” Pete winked dramatically.

Ah. Maybe Josh needed to get on with that. He’d never been to a Halloween party so, other than to take his little sister out trick-or-treating, Josh had never really had to bother with a proper costume before. Knowing his friends though, he was really going to have to step it up this year.

“The other issue, of course, is how we are going to convince Ryan to come.” Brendon wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, “Josh isn’t the only one that knows how to use his kitchen counters adventurously.”

“Ew.”

“Brendon,” Patrick said, “you can’t even get Ryan to look at you in the hallways. You couldn’t convince him to come to one of your parties if you advertised it as a giant gay orgy.”

“Patrick have you even been to one of Brendon’s parties? They practically are a giant gay orgy.”

“Point made.”

Ryan Ross was one of the few out gay guys in the school that wasn’t part of their group, the reason being because Ryan was actually popular. He was on the basketball team and was one of those guys that never really seemed to give a fuck about anything except, occasionally, his hair. Brendon, however, was smitten and had been for years.

“Listen. Me and Ryan Ross are meant to be. I’m telling you. I just need to make him realise that, which is exactly what I plan to do at the game tomorrow.”

That caught Josh’s attention. “Wait, there’s a basketball game tomorrow?”

“Yeah, me, Ashley and Frank are going. Sorry dude, I didn’t think you’d be interested in basketball or I’d have got you a ticket.”

The truth was, he wasn’t. He couldn’t give a damn about basketball normally, but if there was a game then that would mean Tyler was playing…

“Actually Brendo, I don’t think I’m gonna go anymore.” Frank confessed, “Sorry, I just think I’m gonna spend the day with Gerard tomorrow, he could do with a break from his family and stuff after everything that’s going on with Mikey… Josh, if you’re interested you can totally have my ticket."

“Really? That would be amazing, thank you!” Josh knew he really should not have been getting so excited over the chance to simply watch Tyler play basketball. He knew this wasn’t helping his situation at all, but he so wanted to. And maybe, if Brendon really did end up hanging out with Ryan maybe that would give Josh a chance to spend some time with Tyler too. After all, they were friends now, right? Surely Friday in the band room proved that.

“Oh God, now there’s two of you fawning over the basketball team.”

“Problem is, only one of them is gay…” Joe pointed out.

Josh laughed and hoped no one noticed the way something seemed to drop suddenly inside of him. He had a suspicion that Hayley had, but she said nothing and the conversation soon returned to Brendon’s Halloween party.

***

Josh got home that evening to find his mom, dad and Michael gathered in his kitchen with glasses of wine in their hands. His little sister Laura sat on the sofa completely immersed in a book, and barely even looked up as he entered. He responded to her indifference by grabbing her into a massive monster hug. 

He growled, scooping her up into his arms. She giggled loudly, “Get off Josh.” 

Once she had returned to her book, Josh followed the warm smell of cooking coming from the kitchen.

“Dad?! You’re cooking?!” Josh teased, as his father stood over a steaming pan on the cooker, while Josh’s mom and Michael stood against the counter chatting.

His mom laughed. “I know, I was as shocked as you are!”

“Hey. I cook sometimes… Occasionally… Well you know, once before.”

“Yeah… and there was a reason it was just the once!” Michael joked, and Josh’s dad threw a piece of pepper at him.

“Well it smells good, so I’m sure it will taste great!” Josh told his dad, before turning to Michael, “You staying for dinner then Michael?”

“Sure am!”

“Oh mom, I’m going to watch the school basketball game tomorrow if that’s okay? I’ll probably be out all day, but I’ll make sure I’m back for dinner.”

She smiled warmly. “Okay, love.” Josh got the feeling his mom still wasn’t about to take the fact that Josh now actually had friends and Left The House for granted. She’d have probably been alright if he’d told her he was off to a crack den to watch amateur cage fighters if it meant he was getting out and socialising.

“Basketball?!” His dad turned from his cooking to eye his son dubiously, “Since when have you ever been into basketball?”

“Well uh Brendon and Ashley had a spare ticket so I thought it might be fun…”

“Ah, knowing Brendon that’s probably got something to do with a certain Ryan Ross am I right?” Michael chuckled.

“Oh God, you know about that?"

“Does anyone not know about Brendon’s undying love for Ryan?!”

“Good point.”

*** 

“Are you getting in the car or what?!” Ashley yelled from the car window across Josh’s drive. 

“One second!” He called, dashing back into the house to check his reflection in the hallway mirror for a third and final time.

Josh bobbed anxiously in the balls of his feet as he assessed the uncertain reflection in front of him. He wanted to look good. If there was even the slightest chance that Tyler Joseph was going to glance in his direction, he wanted Tyler to see him looking good. Except, his reflection seemed to be intentionally sabotaging this plan and now his hair was being even more unreasonable than usual and the bags under his eyes seemed that little bit darker than they normally did and please say that was not the beginning of a spot forming on his chin.

Eventually, after a final attempt at flattening his hair, he said another goodbye to his dad who was looking increasingly concerned at his son’s uncharacteristic vanity, and flew out of the door towards Ashley’s car.

“What took you so long?! And why the outfit change?” Brendon asked from the passenger seat as Joh stuffed himself into the back. Josh watched Brendon’s eyes take in his outfit through the rear-view mirror. “I preferred the sweater from before, if I’m honest.”

Josh glanced down at the band tee he was now wearing. Maybe he should’ve stuck with the sweater after all…

“Josh, you look fine. Great, in fact. You look great. Tyler’s gonna come in his pants the second he sees you, guaranteed.” Ashley told him.

Josh forced a laugh and tried to relax against the back seat as Ashley drove them to the school.

The atmosphere in the gym was electric the minute they stepped in; friends and family members of each team chatting excitedly as they took their seats. Although it wasn’t an ‘official’ game, the match was still vital, Brendon told Josh; whichever team won made it into the top league, which would have been an all-time first for their school. Josh didn’t really know anything about leagues, but he listened intently as Brendon talked anyway. 

The stadium filled and they sat down as the school cheer team took to the floor. One of the cheerleaders, a petite girl with big pink bows in her hair, blew a kiss to Ashley and winked. 

“Do you know her?” Josh asked as Ashley smirked and pulled out her phone to do some serious Ashley-style stalking.

“Nope. But I will soon.”

By the end of the cheer performance, Ashley seemed to have discovered the girls’ entire life story with just a few Facebook searches and minutes on Twitter. Brendon, however, was entirely enthralled by the performance. Not as enthralled, however, as he was when the basketball teams ran on to a roar of cheers from the crowd.

“God I will never get over how gorgeous Ryan looks in his kit. Heaven help me the sins I could commit right now.”

But Josh was far more interested in how a certain other boy looked in his kit. Tyler did look pretty good as he lead the team in. He had far more muscle than he seemed and his hair did a sort of floppy-bouncy thing that made Josh’s heart do a sort of floppy-bouncy thing too.

He’s straight. Josh reminded himself. Stop thinking like that. He’s straight and he would never be into you anyway it’s never going to happen so stop.

Once the coach had blown the whistle for the match to begin however, Tyler’s muscles and floppy hair won over any rational thought Josh had any hope of having.

It took Josh a little while to get his head around which way the ball needed to be going and what each player could and couldn’t do, but he found himself thoroughly engrossed in the game. His heart rate rose every time Tyler got hold of the ball and he had no control over the cheer that escaped his chest when Tyler scored the first hoop of the game. He wasn’t alone; the entire crowd was buzzing with cheers and whoops and a thunder of clapping whenever either team scored. Both teams were good, Josh noted, but theirs was clearly better. He may have been a little biased, but he was pretty adamant that Tyler was the best player on the floor. By time out, the score was 11 – 18 to them and Tyler had scored a fair amount of those points.

Second half began with even more energy from the crowd and by the time the coach blew the whistle to signal the end of the game the score was a clear win to them.

Josh, Ashley and Brendon flew out of their seats with the rest of their school’s supporters as the team on the court celebrated with hugs and cheers and waves to the crowd. Tyler shook hands with the other team’s captain and Josh noted the way Tyler seemed to be more comfortable and alive than he had ever seen him before.

Josh turned from clapping to look to Brendon and Ashley beside him, still grinning with pride, when he noticed Ashley had already disappeared into the dispersing crowd.

“Where’d she go?!” He asked Brendon, who was craning his neck over the rows of people shuffling out of the stadium, probably trying to find out where Ryan was heading.

“I don’t know, probably chatting up that cheerleader. Come on, let’s go find Ryan.” Brendon grabbed Josh’s sleeve and dragged him through the crowd, heading down towards the court where the majority of the team were chatting with friends and family.

It took Josh a moment to find Tyler amongst the small crowd of people all hugging and celebrating, but eventually he spotted him over on the other side of the court, alone on a bench. It didn’t surprise Josh to see Tyler alone; he wasn’t exactly the most social member of the team. But it did surprise Josh that Tyler didn’t seem to have a single family member at the game. No one was hugging or congratulating him. Josh wanted to go over. Josh wanted Tyler to know that he was the best player on the team and that he deserved to be smiling and celebrating with everyone else, but maybe Tyler didn’t want to talk to him.

Josh tore his eyes off of Tyler for a second to look to Brendon, only to find he had already made a beeline for Ryan and looked like he was doing a surprisingly successful job of chatting him up. He didn’t know what kind of crazy love-voodoo shit Brendon had been up to, but Josh decided he definitely needed to get in on it.

Now alone, Josh felt that his only real option was to go and talk to Tyler. That was what he really wanted. He wanted to talk to him and tell him how great he had played. But the problem was that he also wanted to tell him how nice his hair looked when it was all ruffled up and how the glean of his sweat over the gentle ripples of his muscles made Josh want to wrap himself up in him and how he really was the most beautiful boy he had ever met. And Josh definitely could not tell Tyler, or anyone, any of those things.

But the image of Tyler all alone, on that bench, his chest still rising rapidly from the exertion of the game, propelled Josh forward. He would just casually say that it was a great game, and Tyler played good and then he could walk off and it would be okay. Nothing more.

Josh made his way over, rehearsing in his head the exact words he was going to say, and feeling more and more like 10 year old Josh with his first crush, but was stopped in his tracks when Tyler glanced up and saw him. He watched as Tyler’s face washed with a smile, a real smile.

“Josh?!” Tyler jumped up from the bench.

“Hey!” Josh felt a grin to rival Tyler’s form.

“You – you’re here, you came! Did, did you enjoy the game? Did, uh, did you have fun?”

“Yeah! It was really good. You were really good. Congratulations, by the way."

Tyler bobbed on the balls of his feet and fiddled with an elastic band on his wrist, his cheeks flushing the way they always did when Josh complimented him. “Thanks.”

“So, this means you guys are playing the top league now then, yeah?”

“Yeah… it’s really cool ‘cause it means reps from some of, like, the top colleges will be seeing us play now. Which is cool so… yeah.”

“Yeah, definitely! That’s really cool. I mean, you could get a scholarship no problem, like, you’re really good. Really good. Like-“

“Hey, Josh!” Josh swirled around to see Brendon walking towards him, along with Ryan, Ashley, Ashley’s new cheerleader friend and a couple of the other players.

“Ryan’s throwing a victory party at his, everyone’s going, you wanna come?” Brendon grinned, clearly the cat that got the cream.

“Yeah, man, you should come. And you too, Tyler. You fucking killed it today, you deserve a drink!” Ryan added.

Josh looked from Ashley, who he had noticed was now holding hands with mysterious cheerleader girl, to Tyler. “Oh, man thanks, but I’d better head off…” Tyler replied nervously, “You guys have fun though. Drink for me, okay?”

“Haha yeah man, you bet I will.” Ryan laughed, looking a little disappointed, but not surprised. “Okay, well, we’d better shower and get changed, but I’ll get Brendon to text you guys my address and see you at mine, yeah?”

Ashley grinned, “Awesome! Josh, I got room in my car if you want me to give you a lift to Ryan’s? You too, Tyler, if you feel like changing your mind?”

“Thank you, but uh… I’m good.”

Josh didn’t want to pity Tyler, but it made him so sad to think that while he and the rest of the basketball team were partying and celebrating, Tyler would just be at home alone… It didn’t feel right to go to a party with the entire basketball team minus the captain.

Besides, he wouldn’t know anyone at the party but Brendon and Ashley and they, clearly, were both planning on being pretty pre-occupied.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna sit this one out too.” Josh told Ashley. “Have fun, keep me updated on everything that happens between Brendon and Ryan and stay safe.” He sent a pointed glance towards the cheerleader girl, and smirked.

Ashley grinned in a way that reminded him of Brendon standing next to Ryan Ross after all this time of pining over him. “Okay, if you’re sure! Have fun you two.” And then the two of them ran off in the same direction the others had gone, leaving Josh and Tyler alone on the basketball court.

“You really didn’t want to go?” Tyler asked.

“What, and spend the entire night in between Ryan and Brendon making out on one side and Ashley and her girl on the other?! No thanks. That’s not even third wheeling, that’s fifth wheeling and believe me, I’ve been there, done that and definitely don’t intend to again. No thank you.”

Tyler laughed. “Yeah, okay, fair enough.”

“So what about you? What are you up to now?” Josh asked in a way he really hoped sounded casual and Not Really That Interested.

“Oh I’m just gonna head home. Parties aren’t really my thing…”

“Okay well that I know to be a lie because even I, Tyler Joseph, have seen the pictures of you in Ryan’s bathtub, wearing a pink tutu and cuddling an empty bottle of rum.” Josh joked.

“Oh man, when will it die.” Tyler groaned, shaking his head with a smile. Both of them knew full well that it would never die and was ingrained in their school’s history forever, due to the fact that Ryan had decided it was a good idea to hack the school’s system and place the aforementioned picture on the homescreen for everyone to see.

As Josh and Tyler slowly made their way across the court towards the locker room, Josh felt the silence creep in between them. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, he knew it was the perfect moment, but fuck he was so nervous. What if Tyler said no? What if Tyler thought it was weird? But he had smiled so big when he saw Josh had seen the game… And after Friday surely they were friends. So maybe that’s all Tyler would think; that Josh was being friendly?

They were near to the locker room now and neither of them had said another word and Josh knew his time was running out. The minute Tyler opened the door they would be back to being surrounded by other people and bam; opportunity gone.

Fuck it, he thought. Fuck it.

“So, um, if you’re not doing anything now… do you maybe wanna go grab something to eat? Ryan was right, you should celebrate. How about you let me get you what I promise to be the greatest milkshake in existence?”

Tyler looked up at Josh with wide eyes, his expression entirely unreadable. They had both stopped walking now, and Josh had no idea if Tyler was about to hug him or tell him to fuck off.

Eventually, Tyler smiled a very small smile and said, “The best milkshakes in existence, huh? How can I possibly say no to that?”

Josh exhaled and felt his entire chest fill up with the happiest kind of butterflies.

Josh waited for Tyler to shower and get changed, before they both said goodbye to the others and headed out of the school. 

“So what’s this Jimbo’s place we’re going to?” Tyler asked as they made their way down the street. 

“It’s a bar and café, run by Jim and Jimbo the literal gayest people you have ever met.”

“Even gayer than Brendon?” Tyler teased.

“Incredibly, yes. And they do the greatest milkshakes ever. Literally, they will blend up whatever the heck you want. I saw a guy get a bacon, cheese and strawberry yogurt milkshake once.”

“That both sounds disgusting and like the greatest idea ever.”

“I know right!”

They arrived to an enthusiastic welcome from both Jim and Jimbo as they entered, who were grinning particularly widely at Josh from behind the counter. 

“Hello Josh!!” Jim beamed, “And who is this?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Tyler. 

“This is uh, this is Tyler. Tyler Joseph.” Josh mumbled, reminded of the kitchen counter incident he’d had the day before.

Judging by their smiles, Jim and Jimbo definitely hadn’t forgotten either.

“Ahhh, Tyler, we’ve heard so much about you!”

Tyler glanced to Josh in what appeared to be a nervous confusion and Josh became suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to put himself into a blender. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all.

“Anyway,” Josh cleared his throat.

“Yes, anyway,” Jimbo pushed Jim to the side, aware of Josh’s embarrassment. “What can we get for you?” He asked Tyler, who looked to Josh.

“Uhh what are you gonna get?”

“I usually go for a peanut butter and Oreo milkshake because it literally feels like every one of my taste buds is having sex at the same time.”

Tyler laughed, “Okay can I have one of those then please.”

“Sure! Two sex in the mouth milkshakes coming up. Why don’t you guys take a seat, I’ll bring them over to you.”

Josh led Tyler over to a small table in the corner, surrounded by fairy lights and a large curtain. It was the table he’d had in mind ever since he had planned to take Tyler there.

“So I’m guessing you come here a lot?” Tyler asked, taking the seat opposite Josh.

“Yeah, it’s kind of like ‘our place’, y’know? Me, Pete, Brendon, Ashley… all of us, we come here a lot because it’s nice to get away from everything. No one from school comes here so we can just chill and be ourselves for a while. It’s kind of like the rest of the world stops existing once you come in here.”

Tyler nodded, “Yeah, I get that.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure you’re the first person outside of the group any of us have told about this place.” Josh added, wondering suddenly if the others would be mad if they knew he’d brought Tyler to their place. He thought of Pete’s anger at Tyler and the rest of the basketball team and decided it was probably best not to tell them.

“Wow, I must be special.” Tyler joked, and Josh wondered if he was reading too much into the little smile playing on Tyler’s lips. “But you don’t need to worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thanks.”

At that moment Jim arrived with their milkshakes, winking dramatically at Josh as he placed them on the table and then skipped off back to the counter. Josh could only hope Tyler hadn’t noticed, but even if he hadn’t he was sure to have seen the way Josh’s cheeks turned about 50 shades darker.

Josh had been worried that it might have been awkward between him and Tyler. They still didn’t really know that much about each other and neither of them were exactly the ‘outgoing’ type. But, actually, he found that after a little while conversation flowed between them more naturally than it did with most other people. Josh could hardly believe it when Tyler told him his favorite band was Under Stars.

“Shut up, they are literally my favorite band like ever.” Josh told him excitedly. “I’ve seen them like six times.”

“No way?! Man, Let It Die is like the greatest album ever.”

They talked about school, and English, how Tyler really loved the play All My Sons Michael had assigned them and Josh confessed that he had failed to even get himself a copy yet.

“Your uncle is literally the English teacher, surely you could just borrow a copy off him?!”

“Yeah… To tell you the truth, I never read Hamlet either.” Josh grimaced sheepishly.

“Oh my gosh, you need to read Hamlet. And All My Sons. They’re just…. Incredible. I can’t believe this. I’m telling Mr Gibson on you.”

Josh laughed, “Oh God don’t he’d never forgive me!”

Chuckling, Tyler nodded, “Okay, but seriously you have got to read them. Both of them.”

“I will! It’s a promise.”

They had been talking so comfortably neither of them had even noticed how long they’d been sat in there until Josh noticed the music had become louder and more upbeat, and the number of indie college students drinking wine had increased.

“Damn,” He said checking his phone. “It’s gone five, I really should be heading home.”

He wasn’t sure if it was just the change in lighting, but Josh thought he saw a flicker of disappointment cross Tyler’s features. “Oh man, yeah, sure, sorry. I lost track of time.”

“No, it’s cool, so did I. Sorry, I just always help my mom with dinner on Sunday nights. She’s pretty adamant that ‘Sunday night is family night’.”

Tyler smiled. “Don’t be sorry, that’s really nice. That’s…” He trailed off and after a moment’s silence Joh realised Tyler had no intention in allowing Josh to follow where his mind had gone.

Josh left a couple bills on the table, insisting to Tyler that the shakes were on him as a victory present, before they both got up and with a goodbye to Jim and Jimbo, left.

“Where do you live?” Josh asked Tyler, pulling his jacket on.

“Denham Drive, so I’ll probably just walk home.”

“Shut up, do you actually?”

“Uhh… yeah, why?”

Josh blinked at him. “You literally live about three minutes away from me. Wait, do you get the bus to school?”

“Really? Yeah I do… Do you?”

“Yeah! How did I not know you get the same bus as me, that’s crazy.”

Tyler laughed. “Generally, I like to sit at the back and drown out the sounds of other people’s existence with music.”

“Ah. I’m probably one of the people whose existence you’re drowning out then.”

Tyler looked at him apologetically, “Don’t take it personally. Me and the rest of humanity just don’t become compatible till midday and only after at least three cups of coffee.”

The sun set slowly behind the two of them as they walked carelessly home. They didn’t talk much, but there wasn’t any need. It was just so nice to be walking with Tyler, the autumn breeze willing them on, a great day behind them and so much possibility in front.

“Well, this is me.” Josh told Tyler once they’d arrived at his driveway.

Tyler nodded, his hands shoved deep into his jean pockets. “Thanks, Josh, for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” He told him, confused as to why Tyler didn’t seem to be filled with the same joy that he was. Maybe he was just tired. He had to be fair just won a basketball match. “Thank you, I had a really great day.”

“Me too.”

“Well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Josh said a little too eagerly as Tyler backed away.

“You sure will!”

“Okay… Bye Tyler.”

“Bye Josh. Thanks again.”

Josh was just about to put his key in the lock when an idea came to him. “Wait, Tyler!” He called, swirling back around.

“Yeah?”

“I know… I know you said parties aren’t really your thing, but if you felt like it, like if you felt maybe like a change of scene, Brendon is throwing a Halloween party at his house, if you wanted to come?”

Tyler looked blankly at Josh from the other side of the drive.

“You don’t have to drink or anything,” Josh added hurriedly, “Andy and Gerard don’t drink and they’ll both be there and I think Brendon is hoping to invite Ryan so he’ll be there…"

“I… Yeah, maybe. I’ll think about it, okay?” Tyler told him.

“Okay.”

“Thanks, Josh.”

“See you, Tyler.”


	6. Chapter 6

All Sunday evening Josh was entirely consumed by thoughts of Tyler. When he got in, he was almost giddy he was so happy with how things had turned out. But as he thought more and more about it, the joy became edged with anxieties and uncertainties. 

Was it a date? Was Josh just over thinking and looking too much into the way Tyler would blush and smile when Josh spoke to him? Was Josh ever really going to be okay with just being friends with Tyler?

Dinner passed with Josh barely saying a word to the rest of his family. Twice, his mom asked him if everything was okay. 

He was alone and wrapped up in thinking about Tyler when Michael wandered over from where he, Josh’s dad and Laura were playing scrabble, and sat beside him on the couch.  
“Hey buddy, everything okay?” Michael asked.

Josh dragged himself from his reverie. “Yeah, yeah all is good. How are you?”

“I’m good, I was actually… I was just wondering if I could ask you something?” Josh had never seen Michael look so uneasy and he was initially slightly worried. Michael was not the kind of guy to get anxious. 

“Of course, what is it?”

Michael looked down at the cushion he was fiddling with. “I uh… well I was just wondering, like, how… how am I doing?”

Josh eyed him, "Huh?"

“As in, y’know, teaching… Am I good? Do the kids like me? Am I too boring? Too strict? Too lenient? Too passionate about Shakespeare?” He laughed nervously. 

“Wow… You’re actually really worried about this, aren’t you?” 

“Uhh yeah… But don’t tell anyone that okay? I just… y’know, I really want to be a good teacher y’know?”

“Well you are, trust me.” Josh assured him. “You’re better than 90% of the teachers in that school. You’re actually interested in the stuff you’re teaching, you genuinely care whether we pass or not and you don’t fall asleep half way through class like Mrs Potts does. Honestly, you’re doing great. And everyone I know loves you.”

Michael seemed to process for a moment, before nodding. “Thanks, Josh.”

 

***

Tyler shut the bedroom door behind him and squeezed his eyes shut in a futile attempt to block out the cascade of thoughts and questions rushing through his mind.  
He inhaled deeply, only releasing the air from his lungs when he had begun to feel dizzy. 

Eventually, he wandered over to the chair by his desk and sat down. It didn’t do anything to drown out the noise in his head, but it did stop him from feeling like his legs might give way any second.

He looked around his room, resenting the silence that filled it. The silence reflected the thoughts in his head like a mirror, finally forcing Tyler to focus on what was inside; forcing him to face the truth. There was no distracting him now from a reality he was sure he had known for a while.

“Fuck.” He spoke out loud. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

He was gay.

And he liked Josh Dun.

And he had no fucking idea how to deal with this revelation.

It wasn’t the being gay part that was difficult for Tyler to come to terms with. He’d already been through the whole questioning his sexuality trauma, but then everything happened a year ago and up until now he’d sort of lost all interest in anyone that way, regardless of gender. He hadn’t been attracted to anyone in such a long time he’d almost forgotten what it felt like.

But even that wasn’t the problem. The problem wasn’t even that he was worried Josh might not like him back.

The problem was that he couldn’t do a single thing about it.

Tyler went to bed early that night, his head still buzzing with thoughts of Josh. It took him a while, but eventually he comforted himself with the knowledge that, for a reason he couldn’t possibly understand, Josh liked him. And Josh had seen him play basketball and invited him to a party and bought him a milkshake. And all of those thoughts eased a tension inside Tyler that he’d been carrying for so long he’d almost stopped noticing it was there.

*

The next morning Tyler woke up feeling different. He didn’t exactly feel better as such, just different. 

He didn’t know what the feeling was, or why he was feeling it, but he decided he was going to do something with it. So, when he went to get on the bus to school, instead of heading towards the back as he usually did, he took a seat two rows from the front of the bus and waited for Josh.

Tyler was used to feeling anxious; he’d spent the entirety of the past year and two months in a permanent state of anxiety. But this was different. This wasn’t suffocating, lung crushing, terrified anxiety, this was tickle in his stomach, heart fluttering anxiety. It was an anxiety Tyler was definitely unfamiliar with.

He hoped Josh and his friends wouldn’t mind if he sat with them on the bus. He hoped that they would like him, but he also didn’t really care as long as Josh liked him. If Josh liked him then everybody else in the rest of the entire world could hate his guts and he wouldn’t give a damn.

There was one stop between Tyler’s house and Josh’s and Ashley, the girl that Josh had gone to the basketball game with, hopped on wearing a huge pair of sunglasses and desperately clutching a coffee, followed by a guy whose name Tyler didn’t know, but had always simultaneously been a little jealous and a little scared of. He was one of those ‘too cool for anything’ punk kids, and in freshman year Tyler had watched him flat-out knock a kid out with one punch because he insulted The Misfits.

Ashley took her sunglasses off in surprise when she saw Tyler sitting there. “Tyler?! Oh my God are you waiting for Josh?!” She grinned. Tyler could see why she was wearing the sunglasses; the bags under her eyes were so big they were going to need their own seat. “Oh my fucking God that is SO CUTE.” She squealed, sitting next to the punk boy in the seats opposite Tyler.

Tyler laughed nervously, not really sure how to respond. Luckily, Ashley seemed ready to do enough talking for the both of them.

“Oh my gosh I knew there was something going on between you two. So do you like him? Like, like him or are you just friends? Either way it’s super cool to be honest because no offence but you’ve been walking around like a fucking perpetually despairing sloth forever now. I mean it’s cool – super cool, I mean –“

“Ashley!” the guy cut her off. “Shut the fuck up and let the boy breathe.”

Tyler smiled gratefully at him.

“I’m Frank, by the way.” He introduced himself from across Ashley, who was still eagerly looking at Tyler as though awaiting an essay-style response to all of the questions she’d just fired at him. “You’ll have to excuse Ashley, she’s extra excitable when she’s dosed up on Advil and morning sex.”

Tyler remembered Ryan’s party and the cheerleader Ashley had been holding hands with. “Hey Frank. And uh… yeah I’m waiting for Josh, we hung out for a bit yesterday and I hadn’t realised he got the same bus until then so I… yeah…”

He trailed off. Why did talking about josh make him completely incapable of stringing together coherent sentences? It was pathetic.

“Cuteeeeee” Ashley grinned.

It wasn’t long before they reached Josh’s stop. The bus door opened and no one was there.

Tyler began to fear that maybe Josh wasn’t coming in. It would be just his luck that the one day he put himself out there for Josh he wouldn’t even show up.

But then, just as Tyler was beginning to shrink back in his seat in disappointment, a flurry of cotton candy and black came hurrying across the street and launched itself onto the bus.

“I’m, so, sorry, I’m… late.” Josh panted to the driver who simply looked mildly amused. Tyler got the sense this was not the first time Josh had had to run for the bus.

If Josh wasn’t already red-faced from his morning cardio, he definitely was when he noticed Tyler looking up at him.

“Ty- Tyler?! Hey! Oh my God,” Tyler scooted across the seats and Josh plopped himself down next to him, frantically attempting to flatten his hair. “You’re sitting… At the front?! Were you waiting for me?”

“Uhh… Yeah.” Tyler confessed, trying not to get too distracted by the way Josh’s T-Shirt stuck tightly to his chest, damp with sweat. “Thought I’d give this whole ‘front of the bus, not hating the rest of humanity’ thing a go.”

Josh laughed. “And how is it going for you?”

“Pretty well actually. I met Ashley and Frank.” Tyler nodded over to the two sat behind Josh, both looking put out by Josh’s lack of acknowledgement.

“Yeah, we’re here too.” Ashley said.

“Haha, sorry guys. You’re just not nearly as exciting as Tyler Joseph let’s be honest.”

Tyler knew Josh was only joking around, but he found it really, really hard to stop the smile fighting its way onto his lips.

“No Brendon?” Josh asked.

“Please, he stayed at Ryan’s obviously.” Ashley told him.

Josh nodded, unsurprised.

Frank, however, looked like he was about to leap out of his seat. “Shut the fuck up. Brendon actually hooked up with Ryan Ross?!”

Josh nodded. “You should have seen him, it took him literally three seconds before Ryan had invited him to his party. How was the party, anyway?” Josh directed his question to Ashley, but Frank was still looking stunned.

“You went to a party at Ryan’s house?!”

“It was alright. Very normal and very straight in comparison to our parties, not gonna lie. I only went for the free drink and cause Melanie wanted to go. She was fucking wild by the way. Super cute, but wild. And she kept calling me mommy.”

“I… didn’t need to know that.” Josh closed his eyes in disgust.

“GUYS WHY ARE YOU BOTH ACTING SUPER CHILL. BRENDON HOOKED UP WITH RYAN ACTUAL FUCKING ROSS. This is the biggest thing to have happened since we found out Gerard wasn’t actually an escaped Russian convict.”

“Ryan has actually been wanting to hook up with Brendon for, like, a really long time.” Tyler told them. It was so funny hearing things from Brendon’s point of view. Ryan never shut up about how hot Brendon was.

Josh, Ashley and Frank all stared at Tyler like he’d just told them he’d won the Olympics.

“Shut up, are you kidding?!”

“No, seriously. He thinks he’s really hot. He always has done.”

“Tyler Joseph you have just turned my entire world on its head.”

Tyler had never had so much fun on the bus to school before. The others had him laughing out loud with their stories and ridiculous conversations, all of which seemed to be the norm for them. Pete had got on the bus at the next stop with Patrick, a very shy guy that Tyler recognised with a stab of regret. Back in Freshman year Patrick had fallen victim to Dean and Chase’s bullying entourage. They were young and stupid and cruel, and Tyler knew that they more than regretted it now, but that excused nothing. As they made the journey to school, Tyler got the distinct sense that, while Patrick was perfectly friendly with him, Pete had no intention of accepting him as anything but one of those dicks on the basketball team. Pete had been less than impressed when he saw Tyler sitting next to Josh and hardly even acknowledged he was there.

But despite Pete’s hostility, Tyler had such a good time on the bus journey that it took him by complete surprise when they rolled into the school parking lot.

As Tyler made his way off the bus and towards the building, side by side with Josh, he heard a familiar voice call out behind him. “Tyler!”

Tyler whipped around, already aware of who had called his name. He couldn’t help but feel a little guilty as Mark jogged to catch up with him and the others; he hadn’t given a single thought to how Mark might feel about being replaced so abruptly.

Mark however didn’t really seem that bothered. In fact, he was wearing a strange smile that Tyler didn’t quite understand until he watched Mark’s eyes drift towards Josh slyly. “Hi.”

“Uh, hi.” Josh replied.

“Uh Josh, this is Mark. Mark, Josh.”

Things suddenly felt a little awkward and Tyler could almost see all the questions Mark had burning in his eyes, so he turned to Josh and told him he’d see him around, before heading off in the opposite direction with Mark towards their first class of the day.

“Tyler Joseph what the fuck is going on?” Mark asked him the second Josh was out of earshot.

Tyler eyed him uncertainly. He didn’t have a clue how to explain to Mark – or anyone – what was going on. Fuck, even he didn’t know what was going on. But Mark looked like would actually explode from intrigue if Tyler didn’t provide him with a suitable answer, so carefully Tyler attempted to find the right words.

“Josh Dun… He’s sort of my friend. He uh… He helped me out with a situation in the bathroom and uh…”

“He helped you with a ‘situation in the bathroom’? So that’s what we’re calling it now…” Mark teased.

Tyler hit him lightly. “Shut up. We were both bunking class and he covered for me. That’s all. And then we kind of just got talking and he’s actually really cool and he came to the game yesterday and then after we got milkshakes and talked and now I think we are friends.”

Their pace slowed as Mark seemed to process everything Tyler was saying. And everything he wasn’t. “Just friends?” He asked, softly.

Something about Mark’s tone- the lack of judgement or jest in it, caused something inside Tyler to open up.

“I don’t… I mean, I think so. I think we are just friends, for now. But I don’t know… He changes something in me…” Tyler explored, and Mark listened intently. “He makes me feel things. Not like, y’know…. Sex things, I just mean things. He makes me feel things.”

“Does he make you happy?”

They had stopped walking completely now.

Happy. Tyler considered the word. He hadn’t been sure he even knew what it meant anymore, but now Mark mentioned it Tyler realised that yes. Happy was exactly what Josh made him feel.

“Yes.”

Concern crossed Mark’s face. “So why do you suddenly look so sad?”

That was a question Tyler couldn’t answer.

*

“Tyler, are you okay?” Josh asked him, while the rest of the lunch table was lost in conversation. “You’re just being pretty quiet.”

Tyler had brought Mark along to sit with Josh and his friends at lunch, and while Mark had almost immediately become immersed in a conversation with Gerard and Andy about some video game, Tyler just couldn’t seem to pull himself out of his own head. Ever since he had spoken to Mark about Josh that morning, Tyler had felt himself be dragged down and was struggling to fight his way out and back into the present.

It was true; Josh made Tyler happy. But there was a reason Tyler hadn’t felt happy in such a long time. Tyler didn’t get to feel happy.

But now that he had tasted it, it was so much harder to stop himself from drinking the happiness up. He hadn’t realised how empty he had become. Now happiness was all he wanted.

No. Now, Josh was all he wanted.

That was different.

“I’m okay.” He nodded. “Promise. I just didn’t get much sleep last night so I’m super tired.” Excuses were something Tyler had become impressively apt at.

He made much more of an effort to participate in the conversations around him from then on, and though at first it was difficult fighting the thoughts down, he eventually found himself in a discussion with Josh and Hayley that fought them away for him.

“Good God what the fuck happened to you?!”

Tyler, along with everyone else at the table, whipped his head around to see what Andy was exclaiming at.

Brendon had finally decided to show up to school. And he had a hickey on his neck the size of Texas.

“I know Ryan’s pale and wears a lot of black, but I didn’t realise he was actually part vampire.”

Brendon collapsed next to Andy on the bench and rested his head on his arms. “Oh my god I’m so hungover I actually want to die.” He groaned.

Ashley threw him a packet of pain killers. “I’m not surprised, kid.” She said, “You were necking that vodka like it was holy water.”

Brendon groaned again. “Don’t mention vodka. Even the word makes me want to vomit up my own intestines.”

“Also no offence dude, but you stink.” Pete told him. “Did you even go home at all?”

“Nope. This is Ryan’s sweatshirt.” He added, lifting his head up to reveal a very smug smirk.

Tyler smiled. He was glad Brendon and Ryan had hooked up at last. He imagined for a moment Josh coming into school wearing one of his hoodies. How everyone would know that Josh was his and he was Josh’s.

But he didn’t get that, Tyler reminded himself sharply.

Tyler couldn’t want that.

But God, he did.

After lunch Tyler had English, and was just heading off to the class room when Josh came up behind him and hooked his arm through Tyler’s.

“Where do you think you’re going all by yourself?”

“Uh, I have English now…” Tyler told him.

“Exactly. We’re in the same class, remember?”

Oh yeah. Tyler grinned. “Just so you know, I have a strict ‘sit at the back’ policy.”

“Yeah I know.” Josh chuckled. “Gotta maintain that ‘mysterious, sad white boy’ aesthetic.”

“Well exactly.”

Tyler and Josh walked arm in arm all the way to class, and Tyler felt their intimacy like electricity. He was aware of people watching them as they laughed their way through the corridors, but he didn’t care. He just cared that Josh had his arm in his and Josh wanted to sit next to him in English and Josh was his friend.

If people were staring in the hallway, it was nothing to the looks they got when they entered the English room. Even Mr Gibson couldn’t seem to prevent his jaw from dropping, though he quickly replaced it with a warm smile.

Tyler took his usual seat, while Josh followed and sat beside him. Ashley turned around from a desk in front and winked dramatically, which made Tyler both fill with pride and sink with embarrassment.

Once the rest of the class had entered and settled down, Mr Gibson performed his usual magic trick of silencing the entire room with just a look and began the class.

Things were going pretty well; Tyler kept to himself and Josh spent the entire lesson doodling in his notebook – until quite suddenly Mr Gibson said, “Josh,”

Both Josh and Tyler’s heads snapped up so fast, both of them fully aware that whatever question Mr Gibson was going to ask, Josh would definitely not know the answer.

Judging by the smile on Mr Gibson’s face, he was pretty sure Josh didn’t know the answer too. “If we were to take away a message from the play, what would you say that message was? What do you think Arthur Miller was trying to say through writing All My Sons?”

“Uhhhh…” Josh glanced around the classroom desperately as though he would find the answer somewhere under one of the desks. Mr Gibson leant back on his own desk, waiting patiently for Josh’s answer. “Well…” Josh faltered, clearly having no clue who Arthur Miller was let alone what kind of message he might have been trying to evoke.

Tyler watched uncomfortably. He knew he could answer the question. He knew he could help Josh out right now, but that would mean speaking in class and that was definitely not something he had intended on doing ever again.

Maybe someone else would speak up.

They didn’t.

“I um… I’m not really sure… I uh…”

Tyler looked at Josh’s pink cheeks and his shaking hands in his lap.

Fuck you Joshua Dun. He thought, Fuck you.

“Um, I think what Arthur Miller was trying to say is... is that we are all faced with difficult decisions in our lives, but it always pays to make the choice that is morally correct, rather than the choice that will benefit you personally the most. Even if making that decision is really hard.”

Every single head in the room turned to stare at Tyler.

With just a couple of sentences, Tyler had gone from being completely invisible to being the biggest elephant in the room.

Mr Gibson looked just as stunned as everyone else, but he quickly composed himself. “Yes… Uh, yeah, I think that’s exactly what Miller is saying. It’s a story of tragedy, but it’s a story we all can, and must, learn from.”

Josh leaned over and lightly squeezed Tyler’s arm. He turned to him and with a look of total sincerity Josh mouthed ‘thank you’.

Tyler smiled, sank back in his seat and as the room gradually returned to normal he tried his hardest to ignore every other person in it.

“Hey, Josh, can I have a word?”

Josh and Tyler were just packing up the last of their things as the room emptied, and Mr Gibson strode over to Josh, hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, sure.” Josh nodded.

Tyler and Ashley left Josh and Mr Gibson behind as they followed the others out and closed the door behind them.

“I’m gonna head to psychology.” Ashley told Tyler.

He nodded, “I’m just gonna wait for Josh.”

She smiled, “Okay”, and headed off.

Now alone in the hallway, Tyler leant back against the wall and could hear the conversation between Mr Gibson and Josh.

“… didn’t mean to embarrass you or make you anxious.”

“I know.”

“But you need to read the materials I set. I don’t want you to fail this class, you’re an intelligent kid, you just lack the motivation to use it.”

Tyler knew he really shouldn’t have been listening to this private conversation, and was about to walk away when he heard his name mentioned.

“Good job you had Tyler Joseph to bail you out, huh?”

“Hah, yeah.”

“You know, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard him speak in class. I’ve never even seen him smile until he started hanging out with you. I think you could be really good for him, y’know? And I think he could be good for you too.”

“Yeah, well he’s straight.”

Was Tyler just imagining the disappointment in Josh’s voice? Is that what Josh thought? Tyler wasn’t interested because he was straight?

“That doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, Josh. And honestly, I think a friend is what Tyler needs right now.”

The second bell rang causing Tyler’s heart to jump in surprise. He needed to get to class. And suddenly, he really, really didn’t want Josh to know he had been anywhere near his conversation with his uncle.

*

Tyler got the bus with Josh and his friends every morning for the rest of the week. He also dragged Mark up to the front to sit with them too, who had already found himself forming some kind of business deal with Brendon that was sure to make them both very rich and very famous.

They had begun sitting with the group at lunchtimes, too, and Tyler felt a kind of solidarity with them all that he had never before experienced. He hadn’t even known them all that long, but he already felt that he could trust these people with his life. Even Pete had started talking to him like they were old friends.

Most lunch times were occupied with plans for Brendon’s Halloween party, which was sounding sure to put Ryan’s parties to shame.

“You’re coming right?” Brendon asked Tyler and Mark Thursday lunch time.

Tyler faltered. He still wasn’t sure; he hadn’t been to a party in such a long time and the whole prospect kind of scared him a little.

Mark, however, had other plans. “Yes, we’re coming.”

Tyler glanced at him, “Yeah?”

“Yes. You need this. It will be fun.”

“I guess I’d better find something to wear, then.” Tyler said, resigned. Josh grinned from beside him.

“Perfect!” Brendon exclaimed. “But just so you know, you’ve got to go full out. We don’t do half-assed here at the House of Urie.”

“I’m glad you’re coming to Brendon’s party.” Josh told Tyler as he watched him practice a song on the piano in the band room later that day.

“Yeah, me too, I think.”

Josh laughed. “It will be good, honest. And if you don’t want to drink, I won’t drink either.”

Tyler shook his head. “No, no, you have fun. I might have a beer or two, anyway.”

Josh smiled down at the drumsticks in his hands. “So uh, a couple of the guys are going straight to Brendon’s after school on Friday to help set up and get ready before the party, if you wanted to join us?”

Tyler considered for a moment. It would help if he didn’t have to go home and then explain to his dad where he was going… If he didn’t go home at all his dad might not even notice. Plus he was still super nervous about the whole thing and being with Josh would definitely help. “Yeah, yeah that sounds good. Thanks.”

“Awesome!”

“Thanks Josh.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know I've been the absolute worst at updating. But thank you once again for sticking with me and this story. I hope this chapter and Brendon's Halloween party is worth the wait!!

Tyler hadn’t been to a party in a really long time. He hadn’t been to a party since the night his mom had died.

He swore he would never go to a party again.

He should not be going to Brendon’s Halloween party.

“I shouldn’t be going to this party.” He told Mark quietly, as they walked through the school hallway together.

“Why not?” Mark looked to him, his mousey features awash with concern. Tyler became suddenly acutely aware of what a good friend Mark was, had always been, to him. He didn’t deserve Mark.

Tyler shook his head lightly, trying to find a way to simplify the situation into words. “I… just… I just shouldn’t Mark.”

His friend nodded. “Okay… But you’re going to go anyway. Because I’m your friend, Tyler. Because I haven’t seen you as… as whole as you have been since you met Josh, and the rest of those guys, in a very long time. And as your friend I think it’s my duty to force you to do things that make you whole.

And also because I have a killer Halloween costume planned for this thing. And as my friend, it’s your duty to go as my support.”

Tyler laughed, resigned. “Okay, okay. We’re going to the stupid party.”

“That’s the spirit. Now, come on or we’re going to miss the bus.”

***

All day, Josh had been buzzing about Brendon’s Halloween party. In all honesty, Josh had never really got all the hype over Halloween. But this year, it was different. There was something in the air, something that told him exciting things lay ahead, something about it was whole with potential.

“Alright troops, everyone assembled?” Brendon asked as they gathered around the bus at the end of the day.

“Uh, Tyler and Mark aren’t here yet.” Josh said, a little too eagerly. But as the words left his mouth, both Tyler and Mark appeared on the courtyard and made a beeline towards them.

“We’re here.” Mark grinned.

Josh looked to Tyler, who only smiled a small smile before allowing his eyes to return to the pavement.

“Fabulous!” Brendon grinned. “Are you both coming straight to mine?”

“Tyler is,” Mark spoke quickly, “but I gotta get home, walk the dog and stuff, so I’ll be over later.”

They all filed onto the bus, taking their seats. Tyler slid in next to Josh in their new bus arrangement, though Tyler looked a lot less comfortable than he usually did.

“You okay?” Josh asked him quietly, as the others were all lost in animated discussion about the party that night.

“Yeah… “ Tyler said, and then, with more certainty, “Yeah. It should be good.”

“It will be, promise.” Though, looking at Tyler’s face, Josh feared this was a promise he couldn’t keep. What if Tyler had a shit time? What if Josh really had just forced Tyler into this? Maybe it was a mistake…

“Tyler, you are in for a treat.” Ashley broke Josh’s thought, leaning over from the seats parallel to them, “You are about to experience the greatest party ever. You will be telling your grandkids about this – heck, your grandkids will be telling their grandkids about this.”

Brendon nodded in agreement. “Not to toot my own trumpet or anything, but my parties are unrivalled. Plus, me and Ashley went shopping for supplies yesterday and let me tell you, no stone or alcoholic preference was left unturned.”

To Josh’s relief, the buzz of the party ignited the bus so much that even Tyler couldn’t remain immune to it and by the time they pulled up at Brendon’s stop, he definitely seemed to have warmed to the whole thing.

Frank was going back with Gerard so they could prepare their costumes together, while Pete and Patrick were still being masters of mystery when it came to whatever they would be turning up as, so it was just the four of them; Brendon, Ashley, Tyler and Josh that headed to Brendon’s early to set up.

Brendon’s house was the ultimate party house; big and simplistic. It also helped that his parents went away a lot, and were relatively lax about what they let their son get up to, so all in all they had had some pretty fun times at the House of Urie.

Once they had followed him through the door, Brendon showed them into the kitchen with open arms, “And this is the result of mine and Ashley’s shopping spree.” He declared, gesturing to the marble kitchen counter that held enough alcohol to give the entirety of a small army blood poisoning, more flavours of soda than Josh knew existed and a mountainous range of Halloween themed snacks.

“Wow.”

“Shit. Me. Up.”

“That’s the intention.” Brendon smiled slyly, opening a crate of beer and distributing a bottle to each of them. “Pre-show tipple?”

Each of them accepted graciously. The first swig of cool beer hit the back of Josh’s throat and once again the anticipation of the night ahead pricked his skin.

Tyler looked down at his beer apprehensively, and Josh felt the urge to tell him again that there was no pressure for him to drink, but was interrupted by the pop of Tyler’s bottle cap. He watched him take a sip, slowly, and then watched the smile appear as he took the bottle from his lips.

Tyler’s eyes flicked to Josh’s then, and his cheeks flushed like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Had he? He wondered. Should be have been looking at Tyler like that?

He didn’t get much time to assess the situation, however, as before he knew it Brendon had shoved a gigantic paper penis in his hands. “Hang this up in the living room will you?” Brendon asked him.

Josh stared down at the huge phallic object he was now holding. “Oh my God you actually got a penis piñata?! Where the fuck did you find this?!”

“I told you,” Brendon shrugged, “there is a darker side of Amazon and believe me, I know my way around it.”

“Oh that I don’t doubt…” Josh said, unable to tear his eyes off it.

“Tyler, you can help him and hang these up in there too.” Brendon instructed, shoving a box of Halloween decorations into Tyler’s hands. “Me and Ashley will get on with decorating in here.”

“So… do all of Brendon’s parties feature giant penises?” Tyler asked as Josh led him into the living room.

“You’d be surprised.”

Tyler chuckled. “What do you reckon is in there?”

Josh eyed it and shook it lightly. “Condoms. Or penis shaped candy.”

“Only one way to find out, I guess.”

“The real question is, where the heck are we gonna hang it?”

Josh and Tyler spent a good twenty minutes battling with the penis piñata, eventually deciding on hanging it off of a sturdy looking light fitting, before getting started on the rest of the decorations.

“Josh, could you help me a sec?”

Josh turned from the skeleton he had placed in the corner of the room to Tyler, who was drowning in fake cobweb. “I wanna get this cobweb to go across the wall but I can’t quite reach to hang it over that picture frame.”

“Oh sure!” Josh headed over, taking the web from Tyler and attempting to hook it over the frame, but he wasn’t nearly tall enough either. “Ah…”

Tyler glanced around, probably looking for something to stand on, but Josh had another idea. “Just get on my shoulders, I’ll lift you up.”

Tyler looked at him dubiously, “Uhh… you sure?”

“Yeah! I’m strong, I can do it. Look at these muscles!” He flexed and Tyler laughed his light, airy chuckle that Josh adored so much.

“Okay…”

Handing the web back to Tyler, Josh crouched down as Tyler awkwardly positioned himself behind him. He felt Tyler’s hands on his shoulders, his knees on his sides. “You ready?” he asked.

“When you are.”

“Jump.”

It was a little precarious, and it took Josh a while to steady himself and Tyler before he could stretch his legs out to stand, but he did it. Gripping Tyler’s calves to hold him, Josh stepped towards the wall. “Can you reach?”

“Yeah,” Josh heard Tyler giggle from above him, “I can reach.”

Josh felt his shoulders start to weaken as Tyler draped the cobwebs across the wall.

“You okay down there?” Tyler asked, obviously sensing Josh’ strain.

“Yeah… just, y’know, hurry up with that will you.”

“Haha, hang on… yep… done. You can bring me down now.”

Josh attempted to crouch back down, but as he did he felt Tyler topple, just the slightest, but it was enough to knock his whole balance off and he slipped, painfully slamming his bodyweight down on one knee. “Shit.”

With a cry out, Josh felt Tyler’s grip leave his shoulders, felt himself be dragged over sideways and the next thing he knew they were both on the floor.

“Oh my… Gosh… are you ok- okay?” Tyler asked between breaths of laughter.

Josh hoped his own laughter would be enough to answer his question, and to hide the fact that as funny as it was, his knee really fucking hurt.

Eventually, Josh rolled over to find himself lying next to Tyler, still breathless and grinning. “Hey, at least the cobweb looks good.” He said, and Josh found himself wrapped in laughter again.

“What the hell is going on in here?!”

Josh glanced up to see Brendon and Ashley watching both he and Tyler roll on the floor in hysterics, but was too engulfed by it to even reply.

“One beer.” Josh heard Brendon say, exasperated. “You had one beer.”

Once Tyler and Josh were finally off the floor and the house appropriately adorned in all things Halloweeney, the four of them and a crate of beer made their way to Brendon’s bedroom to get ready.

“So, I hope you two have fabulous costumes for this party underneath those clothes?” Brendon eyed Josh and Tyler sceptically.

“Well I uh… I brought my alien mask and I’m wearing this so…” Josh pointed to his ‘I Want To Believe’ T-shirt.

Tyler seemed equally as unprepared. “I have this skeleton hoodie?” He offered. “Look, it zips up all the way to the hood so I can cover my face.”

Brendon didn’t look impressed. Neither did Ashley. “Listen, me and Brendon are going full out with our costumes, so you are too. Here, take this.” She threw a bag of make up into Josh’s hands.

Josh looked from the bag to Tyler, who shrugged.

Getting ready for the party ended up being a lot of fun, especially after a couple more beers and Ashley had put on her mixed to perfection party playlist.

Neither Josh nor Tyler were too wild about the idea of going crazy with Ashley’s make up, but Josh ended up finding some red eyeshadow and smearing it messiliy around his eyes. He wasn’t sure what it was he was going for, but it looked cool. At least, that’s what Tyler said when Josh pulled the mirror away from his face.

“So what about you, what shall we do with you?” Josh asked him, slyly. Tyler had done a very good job of busying himself with helping with Ashley and Brendon’s costumes and consequently, a very good job of avoiding any kind of costume being forced upon himself.

“Uhhhh….” Tyler faltered.

Josh thought for a moment, peering into Ashley’s bag of goodies. “You know what would look cool?” He couldn’t even begin to hide the smirk that had worked its way onto his lips.

“What?”

“Eyeliner.”

“No,” Tyler shook his head. “No, no…”

“But we could do it like a skeleton thing; black around your eyes, black on the end of your nose, a bit of shadowing under your cheek bones…”

“Okay now you are starting to sound scarily like me…” Brendon interrupted, holding an eye pencil to his own face. “I like it. Tyler you should totally listen.”

Josh blushed, hoping he hadn’t gone too far. He watched as Tyler carefully considered the eyeshadow palette and pencil in Josh’s hand.

Tyler raised his eyes back to Josh’s and seemed to find something in them. He smiled. “Okay, do it.”

***

 

“Guys, we look fucking fantastic. I love us.” Brendon grinned.

Josh assessed the reflection in the mirror before them, and he had to say, Brendon wasn’t wrong. Brendon’s costume was, unsurprisingly, the most elaborate. He’d gone for an ‘extremely wealthy vampire from the 1800s’ look, complete with fangs and a lot of glitter and he really did make it look good. Ashley was dressed as Uma Thurman from Kill Bill and looked amazing. Even Josh’s red eyeliner made him appear appropriately spooky. But it was Tyler’s reflection that had truly snatched his gaze. There was something about the way the black had accentuated his cheekbones and the dark around his eyes that made him look even moodier and definitely sexier than normal.

“This actually looks pretty sick, thanks Josh.” Tyler told him as they all checked themselves out. Maybe it was just the beer, but Tyler seemed to have loosened up a lot since they’d first arrived. Like he’d shrugged off a layer of himself he usually hid behind.

Josh’s mind trailed back to the thought of the bruises Tyler seemed to permanently adorn. They weren’t so prominent now, but as Josh had been doing Tyler’s make up, he had noticed the purple sheen over his cheek and chin.

But that was not the night to be dwelling on such thoughts. The focus was on making sure that whatever was going on in Tyler’s life, it stayed well outside the walls of Brendon’s house. Tonight was about making sure they had a really great time.

***

 

The first person to arrive to the party was Mark, who was donning an incredibly authentic Darth Vader costume. He greeted them all excitedly with alcohol and Cards Against Humanity, which was greatly received.

After Mark, people continuously arrived and within half an hour the house was alive and pulsing with music and laughter.

Josh noted several more vampires – though none nearly as glamorous as Brendon, a couple of witches and black cats, Joe was a zombie which was fitting as every time Josh saw him he was shuffling around high as balls and Frank and Gerard had showed up as Frankenstein and his monster.

Pete and Patrick truly stole the show though. Pete practically threw Brendon’s front door open, dressed as a Frank N Furter that put every other Frank N Furter to shame. He was followed by the snowy white of a naked Patrick… well, not entirely naked, Josh noted the gold boxers Patrick was wearing, relieved, as he watched the two make their dramatic entrance.

Pete wasn’t holding back either, carrying an already half-empty bottle of tequila in one hand, he wrapped his pink feather boa around Josh’s neck and with it pulled him towards the kitchen. “Come on now Joshua, it is time for shots.”

Josh left the kitchen in a tequila-induced haze. Brendon had insisted he, Pete, Patrick, Ashley and Ryan Ross all raced to see who could take the most shots in thirty seconds. Ashley won, with an impressive eleven shots. Josh meanwhile, lost, managing two before deciding he had better ways to spend thirty seconds, like with Tyler, for example.

He hadn’t seen Tyler in a little while, so he made his way into the living room in search of him. He didn’t have to look hard, as Tyler was sat with about 10 other people playing a game of Cards Against Humanity.

“Josh!” Tyler beamed as soon as he saw Josh approach, “Come join us!” He was drunk, but not too drunk. He just seemed looser, relaxed.

Tyler patted the patch of sofa next to him for Josh to sit down. Josh obliged, albeit awkwardly, as the spot of sofa wasn’t quite big enough and he ended up half on Tyler’s lap. Blushing, he quickly shifted himself off of Tyler, squeezing in between him and Frank, feeling suddenly heavy and clumsy. Tyler simply smiled at him; a big, sloppy smile.

Josh watched as they played; Mark had a very drunk Hayley laughing so hard she fell off her chair, twice, while Frank’s dark humour was winning him a huge number of points. But mostly, Josh watched Tyler. He had never seen him like this before. He had never seen Tyler smile like this, so unguarded, so unrestrained, so unafraid. Unafraid. The word lingered in Josh’s mind. He hadn’t ever really realised what it was that kept Tyler so on edge the entire time, but then he saw it; he was afraid. Of what, Josh couldn’t know, though he was willing to bet it had something to do with those bruises.

The rest of the party continued in traditional, hectic hilarity. Brendon got almost the entire party playing Ring of Fire, in which Pete made the rule that every time he drank, everyone else had to spin around four times, whilst also drinking, which resulted in four people falling to the floor. They later all stood around hitting the penis piñata, which broke to shower the entire party with penis shaped lollipops, Josh watched Pete pull a guy he’d only just met, and then three minutes later found him making out with a different guy he’d only just met in Brendon’s laundry room, Joe found a stoner friend by the name of Ray and the two of them sat watching Pokemon videos for a large portion of the evening and Patrick was so drunk that he spent half an hour crying on Frank because he didn’t understand why Brendon’s cat ran away when he tried to hug her.

Luckily for Frank, Gerard who was wearing a badge, made for him by Hayley that read ‘Party Dad’ on it, came over to console Patrick and force him to drink a litre of water. Josh took the opportunity to rescue Frank from any more of Patrick’s feline-induced breakdown.

“Hey, I figured you might want this.” Josh handed Frank a beer as the two of them left Patrick and Gerard in the corner of the hallway and returned to the living room, where Ashley’s playlist was getting a lot of love.

“Thanks.” Frank gulped down the beer. “He’s not sad because of the cat. He thinks he is because he necked half a bottle of JD, but he’s not.” Frank explained solemnly.

“So why’s he sad?” Josh took a swig from his own beer.

Frank sent a pointed glance over the neck of his bottle to where Pete was sat, eloped in a very intense kiss with a member of the basketball team that Josh was almost certain was straight.

“Ah.” Josh nodded, feeling stupid for not realising before. “Poor Patrick…”

“Yeah. Poor Patrick.”

Josh watched the way Frank drank like he was hoping to find the answer to all of life’s troubles somewhere in the bottom of the bottle, and it struck him that maybe Frank wasn’t just talking about Patrick.

“So how long have you been in love with Gerard?” Josh’s own beer seemed to have given him a new level of bluntness.

Frank glanced at him in shock, which quickly dissolved into a resigned, wry smile. “That obvious, huh?”

“No.” Josh said quickly. “But you should make it obvious. You should say something to him.”

“He doesn’t feel the same way. It’s okay. It’s fine.”

Josh wanted to find a way to help Frank, or at least make him happier. But Frank’s tone made it clear he had no desire to continue the subject. So, instead, noticing Ashley and Hayley giggling in the corner, he dragged Frank over to them.

“Frank!” Ashley exclaimed, “Have a penis pop!”

Hayley laughed like Ashley had just told the greatest joke she’d ever heard, as Ashley picked up one of the penis lollies that were littered across the floor, pulled the wrapping off and stuck it into Frank’s mouth.

He pulled it out and examined it carefully. “Wow… these are… weirdly detailed. There’s a vein on this one and everything.”

“Hey Josh, look who Tyler’s talking to.” Ashley smiled and pointed to the sofa where Pete, who had previously been eating that other boy’s face, was now sat in what appeared to be a deeply emotional conversation with Tyler.v

Instinctively, jealousy pricked the back of Josh’s neck. If Pete even thought about attempting to add Tyler to his ever-growing list… But as he watched, he reasoned with himself. They were making amends. They even hugged. Josh was glad, really glad. He wanted his friends to like Tyler.

Tyler made eye contact with Josh across the room, mid-hug with Pete and Josh saw him squeeze Pete’s hand in goodbye and begin to make his way over towards Josh.

Josh watched Tyler’s every step as he travelled across the room, his intoxicated mind unable to stop the want he had for him. Normally, it was like a dull desire, background noise. But then, it was overpowering. The smudge of Tyler’s fading Halloween makeup, the line of his neck that led under his hoodie, led to where Josh could never look, his ass in those black skinny jeans, the curve of his calves… God, Josh wanted him. He wanted him more than he had ever wanted anyone.

“Hey.” Tyler smiled, and Josh tried to drag his mind away from a fantasy forming that he knew he could never have. “I think me and Pete are friends now. I think he forgave me. He said I had a nice ass.”

Josh laughed. “You do. I mean…” Fuck. His throat grew tight. Why did he just say that. “Y’know as far… as far as um…”

“Penis lolly?” Ashley piped up, interrupting Josh’s embarrassing slur with a lollipop she’d just found by the side of her seat.

Tyler took it and pulled the wrapper off. “Thanks!”

Tyler placed the lolly into his mouth absent-mindedly, watching a couple of guys kiss in the far corner. “There’s a lot of gay people here.” It wasn’t a criticism, just an observation. And Josh failed to detract how Tyler felt about it from his neutral expression. Tyler pondered for a moment, before pulling the lollipop out of his mouth and holding it towards Josh. “Want some?”

Josh’s heart faltered.

He opened his mouth in response and Tyler placed the lollipop on Josh’s tongue. Josh’s teeth clamped down in a grin. Tyler’s eyes fixed firmly on his.

Josh’s heart still hadn’t returned to a normal pace. In fact, it seemed to have become even more erratic. His brain seemed to be hyper-aware of every little detail of Tyler; a stray strand of hair that dangled slightly out of place, the ripple of his throat as he swallowed, the shape of his lips… God, why couldn’t he turn this off? He’d never felt attraction like this.

Not feeling fully in control of his actions, he took the lollipop out of his mouth and offered it back to Tyler. Tyler held his mouth open submissively and Josh placed it on Tyler’s tongue, just as he had.

“I um… I just gotta go to the bathroom, okay? Stay here.”

Josh barely looked at Tyler as he made a swift exit. He detoured to the kitchen to pick up another drink, before making his way to the downstairs bathroom.

He did, now he thought about it, need to pee. But his reason for leaving was far more that he needed to cool the fuck down before he spent any more time in Tyler’s presence.

Was Tyler doing this on purpose? Did he know how he was making Josh feel? Was his intention to flirt? Fuck. But he’s straight. He’s straight.

The words repeated in Josh’s head like a mantra as he swung the bathroom door open, though all thoughts of Tyler were dismissed the second he stepped inside. “Good God.”

The scene before him was truly one of horror. Gerard was rubbing Patrick’s back as he vomited into the toilet, while the member of the basketball team Pete had been making out with threw up into the sink and a girl Josh didn’t recognise was also throwing up in the shower.

“I’ll…. Go to the upstairs bathroom.”

“I wouldn’t.” Gerard advised. “Joe and Ray hotboxed it.”

“Ah… I just… I just need to pee.”

Patrick, whose face was even paler than usual, looked up from the toilet basin. “It’s okay,” He said wearily, “you can go in here. I think we’re done now.”

Gerard helped Patrick stand and they shuffled out of the way. Josh, whose need to pee had reached critical status, immediately pulled down his pants and aimed into the toilet.

“How’s the party going for you?” Gerard asked him.

“I can’t work Tyler out.” Josh chewed his lip.

“Yeah, he’s a complex one.”

“I want to kiss him.”

“So do it.”

Josh looked up, pulling his pants back up. “You think?”

Gerard’s face was set. “Definitely.”

 

Josh left, followed by Gerard and a much more stable looking Patrick. Throwing up had clearly sobered him a lot, and they headed back to the living room.

“Hey, Patrick, I’ve been looking for you.”

They were stopped in their tracks by Pete, who grabbed Patrick (now fully dressed in some clothes Gerard had apparently found for him in Brendon’s wardrobe) into a hug.

Josh and Gerard exchanged glances, and the four of them returned to where Ashley had Hayley, Brendon, Ryan, Frank and Tyler all dancing and singing along to Taylor Swift.

Josh grinned at the sight, feeling truly thankful for all of his friends. Tyler had an arm around Hayley as they jumped in their circle of joy.

“Josh!” Tyler beamed, breaking his embrace with Hayley to pull Josh in with them. Before Josh knew it, he too was singing along to Love Story. He had no idea he knew so many of the lyrics.

They all jumped and danced and sang together for what felt like ages – even Frank joined in. It was beautiful. Josh looked at all of his friends around him, looked at Tyler who couldn’t seem to stop laughing, and he felt so happy. So happy.

The party started to die down after a while; Brendon and Ryan had wandered off upstairs slyly, while Patrick and Pete had also disappeared. Josh definitely had sobered up over the past hour and was now craving something creamy and non-alcoholic.

“Do you want a milkshake?” he asked Tyler, who was looking a little aimless as the others all gathered around to watch Mulan. It was Josh’s favourite Disney movie of all time, but for some reason he wasn’t feeling it.

“What?” Tyler chuckled.

“I’m really craving milkshake.” Josh shrugged, “But I don’t wanna go make it alone.”

Tyler laughed again, “Yeah I could go for a milkshake.”

They both slipped out of the living room as the remaining party became engrossed in the movie

“You know, Mulan is my favourite.” Tyler said once they were in the kitchen and Josh had begun raiding Brendon’s freezer for ice cream. “I don’t miss that movie for anyone, so you must be special.”

Josh grinned at the tub of ice cream he was now holding, feeling giddy in that silly way he hated and loved at the same time.

He turned, shutting the freezer behind him, finding Tyler closer than he’d expected him to be, leaning against the counter, watching Josh.

“Well, I feel honoured.” Josh told him, reaching around him to grab two glasses.

They lapsed into silence as Josh gathered the rest of the ingredients he could think they’d need; milk, peanut butter, and threw them into Brendon’s blender. As he did so, he could sense Tyler watching his every move from beside him, but he didn’t dare turn, he didn’t dare look back. For some reason eye contact felt forbidden.

The problem was, Josh had never been any good at doing what he was told.

Once the blender had done its thing, Josh released the button and finally broke that invisible tether keeping his gaze away from the boy next to him. The silence seemed intensified by the previous whirr of the blender and it only made Josh even more aware of the electricity bouncing in the spaces between him and Tyler. Tyler was so close. Josh wanted him closer.

Josh looked down at Tyler’s hands and lightly placed one of his own on them, letting his fingers fall over Tyler’s. Tyler didn’t withdraw, rather reciprocating the touch with slight, delicate movements of his own fingers. He had such soft hands, yet there was something firm about them, something masculine.

Josh finally let his gaze return to Tyler, whose soft brown eyes met with Josh’s. And then Josh found that he had run out of reasons to keep fighting the desire that had been clawing its way up his spine and he kissed Tyler.

He drew back almost immediately.

His mouth had landed upon Tyler’s, and the electricity that had been between them ignited every nerve in his lips. But there was something in Tyler’s passivity that sobered Josh up pretty quickly. Tyler hadn’t drawn away, but he hadn’t exactly leapt into Josh’s arms either.

Josh’s heart dropped as the situation became clearer. He should not have done that. He opened his mouth to apologise, to tell Tyler that it hadn’t meant anything, that he was drunk – But his racing mind was halted in its tracks as Tyler grabbed the collar of Josh’s shirt in his hand, drawing him closer, drawing him back in.

Suddenly every nerve in Josh’s entire body was ignited. Tyler’s lips were on his, then between his. His hands were at Tyler’s arms, then on his hips. His mind was a dizzying whirl of euphoria, and yet there was something so comforting about the way every cell in his body felt awakened. This was what kissing should feel like. This was the most solid proof that any previous relationships with a girl had been wrong, and that Tyler – Tyler was so right.

Finally, after what felt like both an entire lifetime and only half a second, they broke apart. Josh’s head was still reeling as he tried to make sense of the situation before him. “B-But you’re straight.” He managed.

“I’m not straight.” Tyler responded with a crooked smile.

“And, and you kissed me.” Josh knew he sounded pathetic, but he needed to make absolutely, completely sure that this was real.

Tyler shrugged, coolly, but still smiling. “You kissed me first.”

Josh felt himself blush, but it didn’t stop him from grinning. This had happened. He kissed Tyler Joseph. And then Tyler Joseph kissed him back.

“Tyler,” Josh wanted to tell Tyler everything. He knew it was the drink, but he couldn’t ignore the overwhelming urge to make certain that Tyler knew how much Josh liked him, and how pretty he was and how great he was. But Tyler shook his head.

“Josh, can we…” Tyler took a deep breath, “Can we just have tonight, where only tonight exists?”

Josh nodded without question. He then took Tyler’s hand and smiled, “Come on, Mulan’s my favourite too.”

They headed back into the living room, hand in hand, finding an armchair free amongst the others and fitting themselves into it. Josh sat down first and Tyler slotted in around him, intertwining their legs as they settled down to watch the movie. Tyler’s hand found itself on Josh’s lap and Josh held it in his own. He loved feeling Tyler so close to him, hearing his breath, inhaling his scent. Tyler rested his head on Josh’s shoulder, and it was the safest place Josh had ever found himself in.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, as always your opinions are super important to me so let me know what you think!!
> 
> Also -- I went for it and started the group chat spin off, It's called 'behind the scenes' so check it out if you're interested!
> 
> Thanks!


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